Tuesday, December 27, 2011

changing reflections

When I began to write this post-Christmas post, my thoughts initially went to the idea of "surviving," as in we survived Christmas this year.  I believe that I have wrote about my struggles with all the traveling we do for Christmas that it makes me feel like I am simply completing tasks, checking off a to-do list, as opposed to enjoying the time.  Part of it really is the traveling, celebrating two Christmases in two different cities and states on two consecutive days; but some of it, no question, is my personality.

This year was probably a little more challenging due to all the travel leading up to Christmas.  In the 10 days before Christmas, we had 5 separate trips to Fort Wayne for doctor appointments (another post, another time), as well as a separate trip to Indianapolis for a basketball game.  Throw the Christmas traveling right on the end of that, and I honestly don't know what day of the week it feels like right now.

But as it has in the past, Christmas, and the time with family, always changes my perspective and reflection in positive ways.  Much of this year, particularly the last couple months (and all those doctor appointments), have led me to focus on what I don't have, but want.  Such a focus, I think, makes an individual like myself more cynical, more bitterly acerbic than normal.  And thus, it has been very difficult to "feel" that Christmas mood that is often prevalent this time of year.  I wasn't looking forward to the holiday because it meant more trips, more time behind the wheel.

But the time with family changes things.  It makes you focus on what you do have, not what you don't.  It makes you grateful for what you have, makes you realize how fortunate you are, and makes you think less and less about what is missing.  And so, two days after Christmas, I'm in the mood; I have that feeling of warmth knowing how lucky both Jackie and I are to have the families we have, and how fortunate we are to be able to spend time with them during holidays.

Grateful. And humbled.