drs

It's a Process - Embracing Simple Food

2012-01-24T08:49:00.001-05:00

Ever have those conversations where someone drops something heavy into the discussion, and then there's that awkward silence that follows...well, I have felt my blogging to be like that for the last two weeks. I wrote about our most recent disappointment on adding to our family, and wanted to keep writing about various things (because it really is therapeutic for me), but had no idea how to start that *next* blog post. So, my strategy was to just address that elephant in my mind, and then move on, well versed transitions be damned.

I did mention in that last post that one of things I wanted to focus on this year was to do a better job at preparing meals at home, and avoid the cost (and food) associated with dining out. Both those avoidances are definite goods in our household. When we eat at home, regardless of how "bad" it may seem (like coney dogs and waffle fries last night), it is still better than food we often get with eating out - it has less calories, usually by a substantial amount, and has significantly less sodium in the food. It's also good because we save much more of our money, which then can actually be saved, used to pay off the bugaboo of credit card debts, or cover unexpected expenses without having to resort to credit cards. In the last couple weeks, as Jackie and I have discussed how we wish to move forward with adding to our family and have broached the subject of adoption, the part on saving money has become exponentially more important. But that's another post.

To help me conquer my semi-addiction to dining out, I have become compulsive about planning meals. I have tried to change my view from thinking about the food that I will be eating, and how great it may taste, to thinking about numbers - calories - and how eating is simply a mechanism to get energy, not pleasure. It's not always easy for me, especially when the local Mexican restaurant has the best chimichangas I've ever had, but the process is slowly beginning to work. Tonight and tomorrow I know I'm having BLTs and baked potato soup. Grilled Cheese and Beef Stew next. Boneless Wings and Waffle fries. Simple meals, often with an added serving of broccoli, but it helps during this initial phase because I don't feel like I'm giving up anything yet. Occasionally, I can prepare the more involved meal, be it a chicken parmesan or some marinated steaks with red potatoes. But I've started to learn that embracing simplicity in food is a plus - it makes it something that is done to gain energy, not something to look forward to or reward myself with.

It's a process, but it's been over a week (which isn't long, but the best I've done in awhile), and I have a good feeling of confidence that my "streak" will continue. We still plan to eat out, probably trying to limit it more to social events with friends and family or special occasions, but we have a very strict budget on it, where before, we never worried about it.

So, a little late for that resolution post...but looking forward to a year with less dining out, more dinners at the kitchen table, more savings, and less debt. Hopefully.

Life: It Goes On

2012-01-11T09:08:00.003-05:00

I truly meant to write a post right at the beginning of the year, a themed post to go along with making resolutions for the coming year; a post to both reflect on the past year and embrace the coming year. Best laid plans and intentions and all that. Now its almost two weeks into the year and I have trouble remembering the feelings and thoughts I wanted to convey in that grand thought about post.

I know I wanted to talk about resolutions, because I had a specific one in mind - cooking more, eating out less. This of course ties into two very big bugaboos of mine - not becoming complacent with weight loss (I've lost a 100 pounds, but I need to keep moving forward), and finally taking charge of our finances in a serious way to allow us to save money and pay down debt quicker (which would happen if we (I) didn't spend so much money eating out simply because I don't want to cook. That was the goal, and it's had mixed results so far. Haven't been perfect, but I've been better.

Oddly, this resolution does tie into my looking back, embracing the future theme. One of the primary reasons or rationale behind that cooking more, eating out less, particularly from the financial side of things, was so we would be better prepared whenever we were fortunate to have a child and add to our family. I wrote in my last post about changing perspectives, and how I often forget to focus on what I have as opposed to what I don't have. Frankly, that has been difficult for the past year.

As I wrote here, about 15 months ago, after several years of trying, Jackie got pregnant, and then had a miscarriage shortly thereafter. We spent all of last year learning more about the process, investigating, and investing to try and have a child of our own. It was very easy, almost inevitable, to avoid that continual and nagging thought of how we don't have that in our life, and how much is missing because of that. But we kept our chins up, as they say, and continued to move forward. We invested in a specific treatment, and even though based on what we had learned that the odds were long, we had some hope at trying something new; that trying something new would yield a different result.

This last Saturday, that different result happened, as we had a positive pregnancy test. It seemed that our hopes had finally been realized, and 2012 really was going to be a great year, and the perfect time to kick into gear all those resolutions. As I wrote in that November 20120 post about the previous pregnancy and resultant miscarriage, life doesn't always work the way we want it. Beginning Sunday night and into Monday, Jackie had another miscarriage. As Jackie had stated, it never occurred to us that it could happen again. As a result, this time really feels much, much worse.

I wrote that last time that we were doing our best to keep up hope. That has become extremely difficult this week. And we've discussed maintaining hope, but also probably having to redefine our expectations of how we will start a family of our own.

I'm really not sure where things go from here for us, its still too close in time for us to think and feel clearly about where we go. A reality is that we have tried for almost five years to have a child of our own, and have only two miscarriages as a result. Another reality is that Jackie and I are still very, very fortunate to have each other. Which, in dealing with another loss, is a good thing, as life isn't going to stop because we have difficulty keeping up.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

changing reflections

2011-12-27T11:48:00.002-05:00

When I began to write this post-Christmas post, my thoughts initially went to the idea of "surviving," as in we survived Christmas this year. I believe that I have wrote about my struggles with all the traveling we do for Christmas that it makes me feel like I am simply completing tasks, checking off a to-do list, as opposed to enjoying the time. Part of it really is the traveling, celebrating two Christmases in two different cities and states on two consecutive days; but some of it, no question, is my personality.

This year was probably a little more challenging due to all the travel leading up to Christmas. In the 10 days before Christmas, we had 5 separate trips to Fort Wayne for doctor appointments (another post, another time), as well as a separate trip to Indianapolis for a basketball game. Throw the Christmas traveling right on the end of that, and I honestly don't know what day of the week it feels like right now.

But as it has in the past, Christmas, and the time with family, always changes my perspective and reflection in positive ways. Much of this year, particularly the last couple months (and all those doctor appointments), have led me to focus on what I don't have, but want. Such a focus, I think, makes an individual like myself more cynical, more bitterly acerbic than normal. And thus, it has been very difficult to "feel" that Christmas mood that is often prevalent this time of year. I wasn't looking forward to the holiday because it meant more trips, more time behind the wheel.

But the time with family changes things. It makes you focus on what you do have, not what you don't. It makes you grateful for what you have, makes you realize how fortunate you are, and makes you think less and less about what is missing. And so, two days after Christmas, I'm in the mood; I have that feeling of warmth knowing how lucky both Jackie and I are to have the families we have, and how fortunate we are to be able to spend time with them during holidays.

Grateful. And humbled.

achieving contradiction

2011-12-22T13:22:00.001-05:00

Earlier this week, for whatever reason, I was reading old blog posts, both here and at previous sites that I have had blogs at. The very first blog I ever started writing was at blurty, just as I was graduating college and headed to law school. I noticed a big difference in what I wrote then, and what I write now. Practically every update then was a "this is what's been going on" or "this is what I did" type of post. Now, it seems like most of my posts tend to be responding to a book I read, or relaying my thoughts about something happening; but not just a simple "play-by-play" so to speak of life's events. So, I say less about my life, but more about my thinking; and thus have successfully become both more and less open at the same time in the blogging platform.

Not sure what to make of that realization, but something I've been chewing on during an otherwise hectic week.

walls of isolation

2011-12-22T08:09:00.000-05:00

Walls of isolation all around
No windows or doors,
Separation and seclusion,
From all things.

Materiality not present,
No substance at issue,
Dealing with shadows and forms,
The loneliness of thought.

People all around,
Support and amity,
Isolations run amok
Among the wills.

No solace in company,
No understanding in mind,
Knowledge without companion,
Such a desolated status.

No hope in sight,
Darkness overshadowing,
Volition without purpose
Curses of forced solitude.

the point

2011-12-10T11:20:00.001-05:00

the point...heart hurting, emotion determining physicality,
vanishing lines between mental, physical pain...

how to cope, why must time be the medicine,
waiting for a future, passing time as life, how else to survive...

appreciate the present? the emptiness?
ignore the internal abyss, fill with baubles...

darkness surrounding
internal sensation fleeting
despair encroaching
doors closing
life stalling....
.
long...
.
.
tunnel...
.
.
.
flicker...
.
light.

Learning to Quit

2011-11-30T15:35:00.001-05:00

The last few weeks have been challenging for me, as I have wrestled with a decision that is difficult for me to make. As I have written on here before, including posts about some of the discussion topics, I have been participating in a Bible study/class at our local church. I think that my previous rambling thoughts on said class reveal that I often have some difficulty conversing on the topics with other individuals that have a much different baseline for their faith (both in divine beings and towards the authorship and accuracy of the Bible). The difficulty has increased significantly over the last month, and with it, a certain amount of internal tension and frustration.

I took a similar class last year, and found the experience interesting, if not somewhat stimulating and rewarding. The experienced continue to forge relationships with individuals at church, which tends to be my primary focus, and gave me somewhat of an outlet for my overactive thinking on religious matters. For many reasons, the experience has not been the same this year; and it had become a source of negativity for me. As I stated, there are many reasons for this, some simple, some complicated; but I imagine the most significant is that I am in a much different place intellectually and spiritually than I was last year, and those changes, to put in bluntly, do not allow me to participate fully in the class. It's to the point where that differing baseline has, for lack of better wording, become too big of a gap for me to handle (I do think I'm saying I'm less tolerant than I was a year ago; and I am internally debating the positive and negative of such a fact). As I could no longer handle or stomach that differing baseline, I contributed little to the discussions. For me, that became unacceptable.

I have, I think, two (at least) obsessive qualities that generally (generally) serve me well. One, I don't believe in doing something half-way; if I sign up for something, or decide to take something in, I'm all in, and I give it everything I got. Two, I can't stand not finishing something I started. Thus, this situation presented a difficult dichotomy for me (hopefully not a false dichotomy), where I felt I could no longer give everything I had to the class (again, for many reasons), and yet did not like the option of stepping back and not attending anymore. To steal from Hamlet, to stay and not give it my all, or to leave and not finish, that was my question.

As the title to this post would suggest, I chose to back out of the class. For many, this may be an easy thing to do, but I'm not sure I can convey how much I truly agonized about this; I started thinking about at the beginning of November, thinking about it off an on; I skipped a Monday due to a work conflict and thought about it all that night when I got home (particularly about how much more I enjoyed that Monday), I thought about everyday over the Thanksgiving Holiday, thought about throughout the day on Monday, and thought about pretty much the entire time I was in the class this past Monday night for three hours. I could feel myself and hear my thoughts getting more and more negative, and even hostile, towards ideas and discussion topics in the class; and could feel it affecting my overall attitude towards church membership (which is always a little touch and go).

After realizing this self-inflicted agonizing I was going through, I made the decision at the end to talk to the class leader and pull out of the class. While, in the grand scheme of things, its a simple decision; for me, and my personality, it was a difficult one. Getting involved in a local church has always been a conscious decision; to build community and support for both Jackie and I. With my non-traditional views on all things religious, this has never been easy, but I feel like we have contributed much to the experience, and have gained much as well. Thus, any step away from involvement can feel risky, even if its not.

In any event, I have had a day, almost two, to digest that decision, and I can't deny that it was the right one. I do not feel weighted down by the negative thoughts associated with the class and its discussion. It seems I reached a point where too much frequent exposure to religious doctrinal discussion allowed my obsessive brain to turn it into a negative experience and fruitless endeavor. Realizing that, and coming to the understanding that sometimes less really is more, especially when it comes to balancing one's mental equilibrium, has been a positive, if not necessary step.

Thus, while "quitting" the class still has some negative connotations for me, and I still have my incessant concern how it will be viewed by others, I think I finally made peace with the idea that sometimes its necessary, for happiness, for mental health, and particularly in this case, ironically enough, for spiritual health.

Random Thought on Praise for Nature

2011-11-27T12:05:00.001-05:00

It seems odd to me that we give praise and thanks and credit for the majesty of mountains and the beauty of sunsets, but not blame or ridicule for the terror of earthquakes, tornadoes, and hurricanes. If one is responsible for the mountains, are they not also responsible for the earthquakes?

Why I Read Quantum Theory

2011-11-20T22:18:00.001-05:00

I tweeted last night that I wondered what it said about me that I was voluntarily reading quantum theory or mechanics on a Saturday night. A friend graciously and kindly responded it was because I sought enlightenment. And I hope that to be the case. It's paragraphs like the following that cause me to read and learn about new things, new ideas, seeking new knowledge...

In the far reaches of an infinite cosmos, there's a galaxy that looks just like the Milky Way, with a solar system that's a spitting image of ours, with a planet that's a dead ringer for earth, with a house that's indistinguishable from yours, inhabited by someone who looks just like you, who is right now reading this very book and imagining you, in a distant galaxy, just reaching the end of this sentence. And there's not just one copy. In an infinite universe, there are infinitely many. In some, your doppelganger is now reading this sentence, along with you. In others, he or she has skipped ahead, or feels in need of a snack and has put the book down. In others still, he or she has, well, a less than felicitous disposition and is someone you'd rather not meet in a dark alley. - Brian Green, The Hidden Reality, p.11.

I just cannot read that sentence without my brain being tantalized about those possibilities, those realities, that reality. Quantum mechanics, quantum theory, whatever one wants to call it, is simply fascinating to learn (that is, to learn what I can understand). The vision and reality that results from understanding its theory is truly mind blowing, and is both incredibly awe-inspiring and humbling. To understand the simultaneous existence of both incredible complexity in the cosmos and in our own biology, to knowingly perceive both our uniqueness and our commonality, for me, is about as spiritual as it can get.

Thus, this is why I work my way through books like these from time to time. It's good to challenge one self. It's good to have one's intellect and knowledge both challenged, humbled, piqued, and advanced. It's good to continue to advance and improve one's understanding of perception and reality.

Analysis, Judgment, and Discourse

2011-11-20T17:42:00.001-05:00

A little while ago I tweeted this - http://goo.gl/Q4NWs - regarding political bias affecting our judgment and analysis, and I was thinking specifically in the context of events. More specifically, I was reading a Facebook post regarding the alleged assassination attempt that occurred last week at the White House - http://goo.gl/Q4NWs.

Some nut job took a rifle and fired shots at the White House. The President wasn't there. The Facebook post focused on the gun used and distance shot from, and how unlikely anything would have occurred, as well as wondering if Obama wasn't there. The discussion that followed was about how nothing would have happened, and how now Obama will supposedly use this as him surviving an assassination attempt. The individuals discussing this are all conservative in their political ideology.

Now, if the President used this during his re-election campaign, it would be unfortunate, and very inappropriate. In any event, what bothers me about this discussion is that it so readily dismisses an alleged crime in favor of irrational political discussion. The point of the post, and of the comments, was that Obama couldn't have been killed because he wasn't there, so why worry about it.

This is why he was charged with ATTEMPTED assassination, not assassination. Under law, a person is guilty of an attempted offense if they make substantial steps towards committing that offense. Impossibility is not a defense. Let's repeat that , impossibility is not a defense. Why? Because the law determines that an individual shouldn't be off the hook for their actions simply because some external factor prevented them from completing their task. Now, based on the facts thus far, it seems reasonable that firing a gun (most likely regardless of the gun and/or distance), establishes a prima facie case that the guy arrested took substantial steps towards his task of assassination. The fact that he could never have achieved his task on that day is irrelevant to the criminal offense of attempt.

Why does this conversation bother me so much. Because the individuals involved are smart people. They are usually thoughtful, reflective, and considerate when approaching topics (granted, I rarely talk politics with any of them). I just continue to find it sad that whenever politics comes around, we throw are rational faculties out the window so often in favor of letting or bias take over. This has to change. As these individuals are conservative, they are not going to agree with President Obama's policy choices. Fine. Their conservative ideology though shouldn't result in them using that judgment of not liking anything associated with Obama to analyze this event so poorly and so out of context.

This is a story about what appears to be a psychotically impaired individual doing something very stupid, and very dangerous. Our political bias should have no role in analyzing it. On a weekend when we are getting bad hints that the "supercommittee" doesn't have an agreed deal, and many folks are bemoaning the inability of Congress to get along and compromise and pass legislation, maybe its good to take a step back, and think that when our political climate has become so charged that a simple news story becomes an opportunity for political mudslinging among us, what would we expect from our leaders?

It's become almost impossible to have constructive political discourse today. Until that changes, among us, among the citizens, what happens (or doesn't happen) in Washington is only going to get worse.

Of Politics and Religion

2011-11-16T10:32:00.001-05:00

One of the discussions I always find so very interesting is the "separation of church and state" or "America is a country founded upon Christian principles" debates. Ultimately, I think these discussions stem from differing philosophies concerning the role of religion in government. On one side is the position that America is a secular country that calls for church and state to be separated. The other, the position that America is a Christian country, and the state can push for Christian philosophies in its actions and legislation. Both claim the founders as their source for their position, albeit some more accurately than others.

As with anything, I have my position in this debate, partly because I think the history is quite clear; the founders intended a secular country. They came from a nation where the church and state were aligned in the King of England, who was also the head of the Church of England, and saw how such combination curtailed religious freedoms. There political philosophies were based significantly on enlightenment thinkers such as Locke, Hobbes, and Rousseau, as opposed to Christian theologians such as Aquinas, Augustine, and Luther. As a piece of anecdotal context, Jefferson, who wrote the Declaration of Independence (and it's "endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights" language) was a confirmed Deist. Jefferson's Bible, which is currently or has recently been on display at the Smithsonian, has all references to supernatural events cut or removed from it. Thus, Jefferson's personal Bible would not have had the burning bush and the parting of the Red Sea with Moses, nor any of Jesus's miracles or his resurrection. Certainly, this is not to suggest that religion has no role in public life; but there is obviously a distrust of combining religion with state power and what that means for other religious and non-religious liberties.

What got me thinking about this recently is a local election we had over a week ago. We tend to focus, in political context, on "keeping religion out of government," as opposed to the opposite. Some background for this election...2 years ago, two council members, one Democrat and One Republican, proposed an amendment to a local human rights ordinance; an ordinance that prohibits discrimination on certain grounds, and is limited to housing/rental and employment issues. The amendment called for adding sexual orientation and transgender individuals to the ordinance. As one can imagine, it was highly controversial, ending up having an over five (5) hour long meeting discussing it, and was voted down with one of the initial sponsors (the Republican) of the amendment voting against it.

Fast forward to this election. The weekend before, a local Christian radio station started running "ads" during their news section proclaiming, among other things, that the Democratic candidates for council and mayor would support such an amendment to an ordinance again (no candidate for either side had really spoken to the issue during the campaign), and that such an ordinance results in grown men in girls bathrooms and forcing teachers to teach their students that such lifestyles are accepted and normal. The radio station, when asked about these claims, stated that they were true, based on what listeners had told them about similar ordinances in other cities.

Regardless of one's opinion on such issues, I would hope that all can agree that fact should be presented as fact, opinion as opinion, and we should hope to avoid ignorance when speaking about public issues. I find the statement humorous because apparently there was no concern over having grown women using a boys bathroom, which I think one could argue plays on our preconceived, or underlying sense of sexism that persists in our society. I also think it speaks that the intent of the "news" article was to incite fear. Grown man and little girls excites fear in us, for whatever reason, grown women and little boys doesn't bring the same level. Further, the idea about a local ordinance putting a requirement on what teachers teach is patently false, as local governments have no authority in the classroom. Education is governed wholly at the State and Federal level, and no local ordinance can have any impact. Thus, the people saying it happened in their community, are either intentionally lying, or are grossly misinformed. Similarly, the radio station's "news" article is either intentionally lying or is grossly misinformed. The local ordinance could have no impact on what is taught in schools. Further, the concerns about bathrooms was misplaced. The radio station claimed this is what people told them, but reporting such as news is poor journalism. The ordinance, as written in 2009, did not speak to any of these issues. It spoke only to employment decisions (hiring, firing, etc.), and housing/rental decisions. As an act of local government, it is limited to this scope. The ordinance could not be used to "allow" any of the so-called "concerns" of the radio station. (I know that I am bias in the sense that I am on the other side of the aisle, politically, from this radio station. But, that does not change that what they reported about what the ordinance could do was patently false. As part of my job, I drafted the ordinance, and thus know what it could and could not achieve).

Anyway, before I get further into that digression, the whole incident got me thinking about separation of church and state. Specifically, how we always focus on keeping religion out of government/politics, but not the politics out of religion. I find that one of the great benefits of a separation of church and state is not for governance, but for faith. I find this incident to be an example of it. When the Christian radio station directly entered its voice into the local political scene, it ended up being deceitful (claiming opinion as news/fact; misstating legal effect of local law; claiming candidates pledged something they hadn't, etc.) or ignorant (they thought this was true, but was clearly, and easily shown to be not true). Religion does its self no service when it allows itself to be characterized as either deceitful or ignorant.

What I find troubling about the whole scenario is why they felt the need to interject something that wasn't an issue in this election. It gives the clear impression that they were pining or campaigning for one political party over another. Does one party really represent all of a faith's position? One often hears the phrase the politics is a dirty business. This is true for many reasons, but I think primarily because so much compromise is needed to obtain governance when there are competing parties and interests, and compromise can be an ugly promise. When religion enters the fray like this radio station does, for me, they compromise their faith. They put some issues clearly above others, possibly ignoring some tenets of their faith completely for adherence to other tenets.

And as with politics, that compromising is often ugly. My political philosophy leads me to believe that separating church/religion from state power is necessary to help protect individual liberties. Others can certainly disagree (but based on philosophical preference, not historical facts). My religious philosophy leads me to believe separating the two is necessary to maintain any semblance of pureness within religious faith.

Thinking Critically on Beliefs

2011-10-26T11:35:00.001-04:00

I'm in the middle of reading Caleb's Crossing right now, the second book I've read by Geraldine Brooks, who I find to be a very gifted writer. The book is historical fiction, focusing on the first Native American student at Harvard. Thus far, its been an interesting read for many reasons.

Early in the book there are some decent theological conversations that take place between Caleb, the Native American, and the narrator, who is the daughter of a minister on this small island off of present day Massachusetts. This is before any "conversion" of Caleb takes place (and Caleb is her name for him, not his own name), and he poses very serious and thoughtful questions to her that result from her insistence that the text of the Bible be taken literally. These discussions are obviously interesting to me to anyone who has read parts of this blog, and even though this is a work of fiction, I find it almost surreal to read the thoughts of faith and doubt that the narrator/character experiences as a result of these conversations.

What makes these conversations even more fascinating is how forbidden they are to the narrator, as a woman, who is told that it is not her place to engage in such conversations or education; who is, in fact, instructed to not listen to the sessions involving her father and her older brother, as it is not the place that God has designated for women; it is not their place to learn these things; rather, they are supposed to only make a good home and serve their husband. In this fictional story, the rigid sexism is more apparent as the narrator has a very sharp mind and wit, and her older brother does not possess anything close to her intelligence.

These ideas seem so foreign to many of us in our modern society and an affront to the very notions of equality. As the book brings out, and what is historically true, is that religion, and this particular instance Christianity, has been used to belittle the capabilities of women, to place them in a role solely as a result of their gender, and not because of their abilities or talents. Our society clearly views such a stance as prejudicial and unfounded, bordering on sexism. But I think we do well to remember that the overwhelming majority of folks during this time did not view their beliefs and actions as wrong in any fashion; they believed, as so often noted in this book for this context, to be God's plan or will for them.

Thus, we would do well to remember, that assuming we believe such beliefs to be very prejudicial, that religion has been misused in the past to support and strengthen such beliefs and positions. I would think it appropriate to therefore be wary of placing too much faith in something "touched" or influenced by man as divine law. Moreover, we would do well to critically examine our beliefs and positions of our society and religions, to see where we might be misusing religious faith today to engage in unwarranted prejudice and discrimination.

Do we believe, accept, and act on certain ideas because that's what we have been told by those in authority? Because we believe a higher power commands it? Because it corresponds with some innate sense of fairness? Because it's "reasonable?" And, in the process of critical examination, what steps do we take to resolve conflicts between our ideas, and the foundation for those ideas?

Cell Research and Ethics

2011-10-20T11:19:00.000-04:00

Earlier this week I finished reading Rebecca Skloot's The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, a book that details research that was conducted with HeLa cells, which were taken from Henrietta Lacks without her knowledge and consent, and proved instrumental for the last half century of scientific and medical research.

The book originally came into my awareness as I have always had an interest in Ethics, my favorite branch of philosophy, and the ethics of advancing certain medical technologies and certain scientific research has long been an interest (I actually wrote my Ethics seminar paper in college on the ethics of human cloning). So, upon hearing about this book, I knew I had to read it. Coincidentally, our local library book club selected it for its fall program, so I was able to not only read it, but discuss it with others, which I always enjoy (as someone at the group said, its like getting to re-read the book multiple times from someone else's perspective).

As I hope my Goodreads review linked above will at least indicate, this is a book that can yield hours upon hours of great discussion on a variety of topics. But the ethics continues to be what interests me the most, and continues to be what I intellectually chew on in response to the book.

When my cells leave my body, do I have ownership of them, is the great legal question that arises out of this book (in part, because there's not really any relevant law, cases, statutory, or otherwise to cell-based, or even genetic research, yet). And as interesting as that is (and it truly is from a legal standpoint - had a good 30 minute conversation with a colleague solely on that question), there are still more interesting ones. When cells and/or tissues are removed from an individual's body, it is acceptable for a doctor/scientist to preserve such to use for research? Do they need to inform the individual that such cells/tissues may be used for research? Does the individual still have a say so once they leave, i.e. can they prevent the research from taking place? What would informed consent look like - I mean, even very educated and intelligent people will have very little idea about what the research would constitute. If someone conducts research on human cells and tissues, is it research on humans? Do my cells and tissues constitute part of my humanness, my identity?

Like so many things in my life, I really have very little idea on what the answers to these questions are, or if concrete answers even exist for such dilemmas. But I do firmly believe that having discussions about such questions are important for our society and world. There's a great line from Jurassic Park (at least I consider it a great line) where a character states, in response to the groundbreaking work of scientists to create the dinosaurs through captured DNA, "but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could that they didn't stop to think if they should." Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in the modern world and what we may be capable of that we should take the time to have the discussions about whether these "things" we may be capable of are worth achieving. Humanity is capable of both great good and great evil.

Being conscientious of that reality as we pursue our future, and having dialogue to caution our pursuit as necessary, certainly seems like a reasonable and good idea to me.

On Watching Sports

2011-10-14T09:03:00.000-04:00

Those that know me well know that I am a sports fan. Love watching it, love reading about it, love discussing it. And this past week has afforded me the opportunity to watch one of my favorite teams, the Detroit Tigers, play playoff baseball, and it has been a rare and enjoyable treat. But as I was watching the games this past week, a couple recurring thoughts, well, occurred to me.

First, I think that watching two teams play a sport you like (or individuals as the case may be) that you have no direct rooting interest for or against, can be a more enjoyable experience than watching a team play that you are passionate about. With the Tigers this past week, I have been riding high and low multiple times each night depending on swings of the game. As a fan, you get so wrapped up into the events of the game that you actually feel exhausted after watching. As opposed to simply watching a game with no rooting interest, you avoid all those swings, you never feel like you have so much riding on an outcome, a play, a player, etc. You simply sit back and enjoy watching a sport that you like. I noticed this first a while back when I started watching Colts games with Jackie, and how I was having much more fun, regardless of the outcome, then she was - she was riding high or low depending on how her team was doing, and I was just enjoying watching a football game.

This ties into a second thought. Sports, for me, are so much more fun (a simple word, but very applicable here) when watching and sharing with others. Jackie's not much of a baseball fan, and really can't stand to watch it on television. I don't blame her, baseball is a harder sport to get at times, it has a slower pace, and to understand the tense moments at time one has to get the nuance and cerebral part of the game. One comes to that understanding through being involved with baseball for many years. I have, she hasn't. It's pretty simple. I mention this because we usually watch games together - its one of the things we share. We watch football together, sometimes regardless of teams; we watch Michigan State and Purdue basketball. We enjoy going to sporting events. But I was watching the Tigers alone. And while I enjoyed it (primarily because I so rarely get to watch baseball as we have no cable/satellite), it just wasn't quite as good as watching a game with her, my family, or any friend would have been. For me, I have learned that watching sports is great fun, watching sports as a social event is significantly better.

The third recurring thought I had may be considered somewhat odd in light of the other two, but I think it is related. I kept thinking to myself with all the hours I was spending this week watching the Tigers, there is something better to be doing with my time. I quickly remedied this, to some extent, to reading a lot during the games (which is a great advantage of the pace of baseball, and football to some extent, as opposed to basketball, in that it allows for better multi-tasking). But it was a nagging thought throughout. Part of this is an old battle I fight with myself. Almost two years ago, I decided I was spending too much of my time watching college football and that I should be more conscientious of how I spend my time. I was essentially dedicating every Saturday during the Fall to a chair and football. And I enjoyed it, but I wanted to do something that would be both enjoyable and productive; which, with my personality, would make me enjoy it more. Without digressing too much here, the point of that decision, and of the constant battle, is that while I like sports, I want to make sure that I am utilizing my time accomplishing things I feel are important - reading and becoming more knowledgeable about certain disciplines, spending time with friends and family, being involved in the community. If watching sports can compliment and enhance those objectives at times, awesome. If not, then I need to realize that there will always be another game, there may not be another opportunity to "better" myself, so to speak.

This has led me to attempt to make sure that I never forsake an opportunity because I want to watch a sporting event (there may be exceptions, World Series for one, NCAA championship for another, and of course if the Lions ever made a Super Bowl). When watching sports can become something Jackie and I do together, it reinforces parts of our relationship and friendship. When its something that can be done with friends, it reinforces community. When it something that can be done with family, it can create and reinforce bonds. Those are the goals. It is also a goal to avoid watching sports when it becomes isolating.

I find it is a delicate balance that I continue to try and manage. I really do enjoy watching sports, it's kind of like an immediate high. I just have to pause and remind myself that in reality, watching in isolation is simply okay, making it a share-able event with others is exponentially better, and ultimately more fulfilling. So, while I hope the Tigers keep playing and make a full comeback in the series against the Rangers, and while I hope Michigan State beats Michigan again this weekend, I will be waging that little battle in myself, doing my best to ensure certain opportunities are not missed.

A Literary Insight

2011-10-11T15:28:00.000-04:00

I recently finished reading Peter Carey's Parrot and Olivier in America, which is a re-imagining of Tocqueville's Democracy in America. Carey is a gifted writer, and the book is superb for anyone interested in historical fiction.

But one passage near the end of my book caught my attention and I have been digesting it for a few days. It is from Olivier, who is the French aristocrat in the novel, sharing his most expansive and reflective thoughts about the American experiment in democracy with Parrot, who is bustling with enthusiasm. In light of current politics, I found the passage interesting and insightful to some extent. So, without further comment and in the sole interest of sharing a fine literary passage ....

“Yes, and you will follow fur traders and woodsmen as your presidents, and they will be as barbarians at the head of armies, ignorant of geography and science, the leaders of a mob daily educated by a perfidious press which will make them so confident and ignorant that the only books on their shelves will be instruction manuals, the only theater gaudy spectacles, the paintings made to please that vulgar class of bankers, men of no moral character, half-bourgeois and half-criminal, who will affect the tastes of an aristocracy but will compete with each other like wrestlers at a fair, wishing only to pay the highest price for the most fashionable artist. Do not laugh, sir. Listen. I have traveled widely. I have seen this country in its infancy. I tell you what it will become. The public squares will be occupied by an uneducated class who will not be able to quote a line of Shakespeare.”

Keeping Stories in Context

2011-10-06T17:50:00.000-04:00

So, at some point in the last week Hank Williams, Jr. made a referencethat compared Obama to Hitler. Regardless of context, it is usually apretty bad idea to compare any modern politician, particularly in ademocratic society, to Hitler. It usually isn't a particularly helpfulanalogy, and it usually is inflammatory. However, what interests me themost is the response.

ESPN decided to sever ties with Williams and his song that would be aintro for their Monday Night Football program. Initial reaction fromcommenters on the news story were mostly lamenting the violation ofFirst Amendment rights. Eventually, self correction occurred, andenough commenters chimed in how the First Amendment only applies togovernment actions, not the actions between two private entities. Itstill amazes me that in a country where there is so much rhetoricregarding constitutional rights, Founding Fathers principles, and thelike, that there is a consistent, if not pervasive, ignorance aboutwhat those rights and principles are. I'm digressing, but I find thatsad and unfortunate, because these are important things to know andunderstand, so we are better citizens and advocates.

Anyway, the conversation of the commenters then devolved into aleft-right political argument about how Williams is being unfairlydemeaned in a way that someone wouldn't be if the analogy involved aright based politician as opposed to a left based politician.

I think this provides a microcosm of the extremely charged politicalculture we have right now. What begins as a story about a privateemployer ending a promotional relationship with an individual persondue to bad publicity (and bad PR in the promotion business generallyisn't good, contrary to some cliches), ends as a heated and oftenirrational "discussion" about politics and government.

I am beginning to believe that if we are ever going to make trueprogress towards creating a better society, a better government, abetter culture, we are going to have to the appropriate discussions inthe proper context, and stop dragging emotionally and politicallycharged ideas into every conversation.

Myths and Literalism

2011-09-28T19:30:00.000-04:00

As my weekly bible study at church continues to muddle its way through Genesis and eventually Exodus, I am reminded frequently of the issues I have with taking the Old Testament seriously. Often, it manifests itself during our conversations, where I have difficulty discussing something that begins on the premise that Adam and Eve were real people, as were Cain and Abel, and the story of Noah and the Flood is real and that therefore we can all trace our roots to him.

I've never been able to grasp how people can give so much literal authority (and possible authority in general) to the Old Testament. Christianity would become so much more palatable without such, at times, blind adherence to those old books. As an example of why I have such a hard time, consider the following...

The Code of Hammurabi. This is a Babylonian law code that dates to somewhere around 1700 BCE. It consists of 282 laws, dealing with things from punishment for certain crimes (based on social status), contracts, liabilities, property, etc. On the upper part of the stone with the code, Hammurabi is standing in front of Shamesh, the Sun God, to receive the codes. As this picture shows with the three levels of rock beneath Shamesh's feet represent a mountain. So, as legend goes, Hammurabi receives the laws from the Sun God on the top of a mountain. Now doesn't that sound familiar. And consider that Hammurabi would predated any Moses figure (assuming Moses existed) by at least 500 years.

The Myth of Sargon. While their are many missing holes in this myth (most ancient myths that survive have such holes), the basic gist of the myth is that Sargon was born to a High Priestess (who are supposed to maintain their virginity), in secret, and then his mother set him in a basket and sent him floating down a river. From there, he was carried to the "drawer of water", Akki, who took Sargon in as his son and raised him. Again, this story has significant similarities with that of the story of Moses in the Bible, as well as differences. And it predates the Bible by even more than the Code of Hammurabi.

These are just two examples of a myriad of Ancient Near East myths that predate the period when the Old Testament books would have been written and share significant similarities with Old Testament stories. For me, to ignore this in favor of assuming the bible tradition as literal truth seems absurd, and borders on willful ignorance. If one looks at the bible as the story of a people, than the importance of its myths and stories are how it is different than the ones presented by other cultures at the time. But to do so, requires viewing it only as a source for potential spiritual truth, not historical or scientific truth, as I have discussed before.

In any event, these types of issues and conversations representation a continuing and growing frustration, and reminds me why I prefer philosophy as compared to theology. And just think, this is only after two weeks of the study, with thirty to go (only 14 on the Old Testament though, thankfully).

Disrespecting Intelligence and Global Warming

2011-09-28T13:33:00.000-04:00

I've been chewing on something in my brain for the last few days concerning global warming/climate change. One of our local news stations posted a story on Facebook regarding how climate change, as a political issues, is becoming the next big divisor along with abortion and other "explosive" issues, and asked people whether they'd agree. What followed essentially confirmed that the issue is highly divisive along mostly partisan lines, but what irked me what the initial forty comments or so. One of the initial commenters posted about how "globle" warming was a hoax. Someone responded, and he again stated that "globle" warming was a leftist conspiracy. (like I said, partisan lines were easily drawn in this debate).

A few comments later, an individual posted a comment with several links showing substantive scientific data supporting that climate change is real, and is man made. He didn't rely on himself, he relief on the scientific authorities in the field to support his argument. Immediately, and this is what I found particularly worrisome, every comment for the next twenty it seemed lambasted the guy who provided the links to expert authority, and completed sided with the "wisdom" of the guy who couldn't spell global correctly.

Maybe this will all be considered me being an intellectual elitist, but it seems to me that we'd be better trusting intellectual authority on a subject as opposed to someone who can't spell (fact that it occurred twice convinces me it wasn't a typographical mistake). The whole scenario reminds me of reading Idiot America and how the author's point there was that we have become a nation that does not value expertise (one of his examples is how other countries look with respect towards an individual with a degree from MIT, whereas here it has become a way to deride someone as, ironically, an intellectual elite). I don't mean to suggest we shouldn't celebrate the everyday person, the common man, and the common sense wisdom they may have towards life. But its entirely appropriate, on certain issues, to take the advice and wisdom and knowledge from an expert in the relevant field as opposed to some guy off the street.

I am not a scientist, but as I trust that I know more about the legal system and the Constitution than some random guy who has never read it on the street, I trust that a guy like this, who has several posts about climate change, is a professional scientist, is much more knowledgeable about it than I am, and it would be wise and prudent of me to value his own opinion and knowledge more than my gut reaction.

Anyway, I guess the point of this post was that the whole commenting situation reminded very much of Idiot America, and how true the guy's premise was in this situation. We should be respecting and considering the opinion of intellectual authority, not degrading it and listening to quacks instead. And in the case of global warming, as the links above will demonstrate if one takes the time to read through them, its not a hoax. The evidence is overwhelming, and we would do well to accept that fact and listen to experts on what to do about it.

Awe in Knowledge, Opportunity in Challenges

2011-09-22T13:21:00.000-04:00

This is somewhat of a rambling post, written over a few days attempting to coalesce some of my thoughts from another Bible study I decided to participate in at our church.

This past week we had our first meeting, discussing sections of Genesis that deal with creation and what that means for us, as humans and stewards. Again, as I mentioned in posts here and here, I am the sole person in the class who described being in awe at the natural world by learning about it. In fact, in response to a direct inquiry about what gives you an appreciation for our world/universe, my answer was directly tied to the knowledge I have gained about the universe in the last year, and that would be its particularity. How exact everything is. It still amazes me that if the moon was not locked into our planet, we would rotate so quickly our planet would wobble on its axis and have a day of only 6 hours, as compared to 24 hours. The moon's counteracting gravitational force is that important to our stability. How different would life be (if any existed) without that force? Those facts amaze me. Those facts make me experience a humility and connectedness with the universe at large that is as spiritual as it gets for me. I find that I am often alone in such expressions, but I can't deny the sense of genuine wonder and awe such knowledge brings forth in me.

At another point during our session, an exchange occurred that also shows a....disconnect, maybe (not sure of the right word) between myself and others and how we come to view the Bible, its origin, and its veracity. For one reason or another, we had jumped ahead to the story of Noah's Ark and the Flood (which, interestingly enough, is in our reading for the coming week). I was asked a question (again, I can't exactly remember, but my response was, referring to the flood, "because I don't believe that happened." Several individuals immediately responded, "Ohhhhhhh." My peculiar obsessiveness has been replaying that in my head and I can't still figure out if it was an expression of understanding (although not agreement), surprise, disagreement, or something else.

Regardless, as I realize that it may be something that I think about and no one else does, it represents a challenge of sorts. It has never occurred to me to take the flood story literally. Never. Many people do. And a challenge to the literal veracity of that story can be interpreted as a challenge to the very underpinnings of their faith, the inerrancy of the Bible. This is the disconnect I mentioned previously. The challenge, at least from my perspective, is to continue to be honest with the individuals in the class about what I know and believe, and have it be a challenge to their faith in the respect that they confront the parts that are not necessary, but not a challenge that causes them to be defensive.

Specifically, as to the flood issue. There is no evidence that a worldwide flood ever occurred, especially not during human history. The fact that many Mesopotamian cultures have flood stories indicates that there might have been some type of localized or regional flooding event that these various peoples and cultures experienced. This knowledge does not have to be seen as challenging anything unless someone believes that the Bible contains historical and scientific truth in addition to spiritual truth. For me, it is easy to view the Bible as one of many documents that contain attempts at understanding the reality of our existence and our spirituality. However, I have increasingly encountered individuals who the Bible is truth about all that it contains, thus making it a source of historical truth, among other things. As such, stating that a worldwide flood never happened during human history to wipe out most of mankind, is not simply a rejection of a historical myth (as it is for me), but a rejection of the very word of God. I am starting to digress here, but my main point here is that there is no reason why a rejection of a common flood myth should be cause for concern to one's faith. Whether or not a flood happened is only relevant if one is placing just as much faith in the book of the Bible as they are in their particular conception of God or the Divine.

Anyway, back to the idea of the challenge of presenting ideas in a non-confrontational way. One of the difficult things for me to remember at times is that people are generally very uncomfortable discussing these types of questions and ideas in great detail. Often, a class like this is the first they have heard any idea challenging or presenting a different interpretation of the Bible, of faith, of God. For me, such conversation is, truly, as natural as discussing sports or the weather. I grew up discussing these ideas with my Dad around the dinner table. I was constantly exposed to religious and philosophical ideas through schooling at a Catholic middle school and high school. I studied philosophy during college out of pure interest, and had friends that who would routinely engage in philosophical and religious discussions. This familiarity with the topic has allowed me to be open to explore and consider most any idea, to discuss the depths of it. But it also results in forgetting that the people I am discussing with now may have never discussed any of these issues; they may have never heard of Higher Criticism of the Bible; the debates concerning the duality (or non-duality) of mind and body; the problem of evil and its myriad of responses; definitions and proofs for the existence of God; or even free will versus predestination. These may represent very new, and potentially challenging, discussions for people. And for me, their discussions I have had countless times.

So, the challenge is to relay the past knowledge in the non-confrontational way. The challenge is also to respect the new discussion; to search keenly and inquisitively for new arguments, new thoughts, new ideas; to avoid the trap of thinking that nothing new can be offered. As it has been said, great challenges present great opportunities. And as we will be reading the story of the Flood and Noah's Ark for next week's class (in addition to other things), I'm sure the opportunities will continue to present themselves.

The Lawnmower Saga of 2011

2011-09-21T14:03:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me a little, or pays attention to random tweets or FB status updates that I post, knows that I obsess over our lawn. And, honestly, its a curious obsession...I don't spend hours upon hours out applying fertilizer and weed treatments; I don't water the yard at all, but for whatever reason, I spend an unhealthy amount of time worrying about what it looks like.

During the summer months, much of my scheduling becomes based on when I can mow the yard. We have a decent sized lot, not huge, but because all we have had is a small push mower, it takes about an hour and a half to mow. Factor in the time it takes to cool off, shower, and get on with the rest of the day, its a long process that I plan for accordingly. I never want to wait until a weekend, at times, because the grass can get too long and the yard won't look nice once finished (too many dried ugly looking clippings afterwards). In any event, before I go into excruciating detail, just let it be suffice to say that I spend way too much mental energy worrying about getting the yard mowed. Jackie will certainly verify that as truth.

So anyway, as I have been tiring of those long mowing hours, I have kept on thinking about getting a larger mower to cut down on my time and on the amount of work required. I was thinking that the beginning of next spring would be the perfect time to purchase one. Life, as always, doesn't work to my plans. My little push mower, about a month and a half back, stopped running about halfway through. So, considering that mechanical knowledge is only slightly greater than a European Swallow, I took it to a local place to get it looked at, and had a good friend who graciously allowed me to borrow his push mower for a couple weeks, so I could at least finish the yard and keep it somewhat normal looking.

After about a two week period, I got the lawnmower back (it had dirt in the carburetor). We had about a week of rain that prevented from mowing right away, so the grass was pretty long when I got out to finally mow about two weeks ago. I get about a third of the way down, and the mower is smoking. I take a closer look, its spitting/leaking oil. Sigh. I take it back to the place and explained all this, and they take a look at it. In the meantime, two-thirds of the yard, which was already fairly tall, kept growing. Then the temperature cooled just a bit, and was joined with several days of rain, and the grass took off. Ellie looked like she was walking in a jungle when we took her out in the backyard to do her business. And I am going crazy...not only is the grass way too tall, thereby by upsetting my obsessiveness regarding the lawn discussed above, but the fact that one-third is at one height and two-thirds at another is completely jarring. (Obsessiveness in thought has its advantages, but it makes these small things much more anxiety ridden than they need to be).

I get a call last Friday, before we are about to head out of town, letting me know that the it would cost more to fix the mower than what I originally paid for it, and essentially the same as a newer, upgraded mower would cost. Ultimately, that makes it a pretty easy decision, but frustrating nonetheless when you have to purchase a new mower at the end of the season with so few times left to have to mow.

In any event, on Monday I went down to our local place and picked up a brand new Toro walk behind mower. Only real upgrade is that it is self-propelled, and it has a little more horsepower than the other one. Yesterday I used it for the first time to finish the other two-thirds of the yard, or to cut it a little bit until I can do the entire yard at a normal height this weekend. Fortunately, for my obsessive mind on this topic, the self-propelled does seem to make a difference, which will at least make the task a little physically easier to do; and the mulching blade on this mower seems to work better, as it handled some tall and thick grass in some areas with little problem, and little evidence of heavy grass clumps, which was always a problem with my previous mower.

And who would have thought I could make an entire blog post out of a lawn mower. That's what obsessiveness does for you.

Tax Cuts and American Dreams

2011-09-19T18:00:00.000-04:00

"The US has the most unequal distribution of wealth and income of any major country in the industrialized world. During the Bush years, the wealthiest 400 Americans saw their wealth increase by some $400 billion and are collectively worth over $1.3 trillion. Today, the top one percent owns more wealth than the bottom 90% and earns more income than the bottom 50%. Meanwhile, a record-breaking 50 million Americans have no health insurance and nearly 44 million Americans live below the poverty line."

The above is a quote taken from Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) Facebook page today. I read many similar statistics from Senator Sanders when reading The Speech, the book relaying his filibuster of the extension of the Bush tax cuts last December.

While individuals who are progressive at least have some familiarity with these types of statistics, I wonder how much of the general public does. It is on my mind at the present as debates on jobs and debt are again becoming the focus between Congress and the White House, and I have already heard some protests of class warfare in response to President Obama's debt reduction plans that calls for letting the Bush era tax cuts expire on those making over $250,000 and increasing those taxes on individuals making over $1,000,000 by closing some of their available tax deductions.

Generally, I support this portion of the President's plan; I have long felt that substantial tax reform is needed to equalize the tax system, and far beyond what the President is proposing here. The most common responsive argument one hears is that we can't let these Bush-era tax cuts (2003 passage, I believe) expire because those are the job creators, and they need that tax cut to create jobs. Similarly, we can't "raise" taxes, even by eliminating available deductions on the super wealthy, because they again, need that benefit to create jobs. I do not claim to be an economist, but my first impression is that the Bush era tax cuts have been in place for 8 years, and as a country we have had essentially zilch in terms of new job growth over that time. Maybe there is a lot of reasons for that to happen; but it also stands to reason that such a fact is good evidence that these particular tax cuts are not doing anything significant to create jobs and stimulate the economy. (See this chart)

Further, as to the general premise that we can't raise taxes on the super wealthy, taxes today are lower on the top income wage earners in our country than they have been pretty much since the income tax has existed. Consider these statistics - in the 1970s, the top marginal tax rate was generally around 70%; in the 1980s, it started at 70% and was cut, through Reagan's policies, down to about 28% at the end of the decade; in the 1990s, it was quickly raised to 39% early in the decade, and stayed there; in the 2000s, it was cut by Bush to 35% (which, when people talking about letting the Bush era tax cuts expire, they mean letting them return to the 39.6% rate of the 1990s, still well below the 70% is was decades ago). (info from this site). Senator Sanders, in his speech last December, pointed out that during the same time frame, we have seen a significant change in the distribution of wealth in our country -

"In the 1970s, the top 1 percent only made something like 8 percent of total income. In the 1980s it rose to 10 to 14 percent. In the late 1990s, it was 15 percent to 19 percent. In 2005 it passed 21 percent. And in 2007, the top 1 percent received 23 percent of all the income earned in this country."

So, generally, a trend emerges, as the tax rates went down, the amount of income made solely by the top 1 percent of our country increased dramatically. So there is obviously a relationship between tax cuts and income, but I'm not sure it is what most people think.

Anyway, what got me thinking and writing this post was the first quote above from Senator Sanders. I love living in the United States. I read stories of historical immigrants and modern immigrants about what the idea of America represents, and the opportunity it gives on so many levels, religious, economic, cultural, etc, and it truly makes you swell with pride over our country. But then you consider the reality that we have the most unequal distribution of wealth of any developed country in the world. That's just plain horrible. Obviously, I have my ideas on what causes that and how to change that, some of it mentioned above; but I don't claim to know that those are the answers. I do believe that trying the same economic policy of the last 30 years, chiefly tax cuts, which seems to have created or significantly worsen the problem, is foolishness.

How long will we continue to ignore this problem, and believe that our government has no role in correcting it? When will we, as a people, face this reality and demand change?

The pull yourself up by your bootstraps-American Dream meme is important, and should be preserved. We must remember that those stories often come to us in individual circumstances with emotional impact that has staying power in our collective consciousness, while we often forget about the reality that statistics present to us. Until we do something to change our governing policy towards our systemic economic issues, these statistics will continue to deal us the truth regarding our country's current status. And those great stories will become fewer and fewer, until they become a thing of the past.

We need more of those stories.

Here I Go Again - Another Bible Study?

2011-09-15T17:03:00.000-04:00

I wrote last year around this time how surprised I was that I actually joined a Bible study at our church. And as much as that turned out to be an enjoyable experience and great at continuing to forge meaningful relationships in our community, I have to admit that I am even more surprised that I have decided to join a Bible study again. Last year's study was called Disciple I, which was 34 weekly meetings of several hours coupled with daily/weekly reading assignments. This year, the church offered a Disciple II class, which is essentially the same format, except that it ends up being 32 weeks, and instead of essentially reading the Bible in its entirety, the class focuses 8 weeks each on the books of Genesis, Exodus, Luke, and Acts.

In some ways, I am more surprised this year because by the end of the class last year, I was ready to have my Monday nights back. Weekly meetings that went often late into the night ended up being an exhausting way to start the week. Yet, hear I am again, and ultimately, I know the reason why this did not prevent me - I like being busy...I am not the best with idle thoughts; so filling my evenings with community activities makes sense for my happiness.

But the primary reason why I remain more surprised this year than last is because where I am as a "spiritual" person. Over the course of the last year, due to a variety of reasons, I have tended to embrace more skepticism in my worldview than I did at this point last year; and considering that I have always been a somewhat skeptical person, this is saying something. I know that I will enjoy the community that I will continue to forge with the members of the class, who were all in the same Disciple I class last year. And I always enjoy group discussion and dialogue on pretty much any idea. But part of me wonders if I hold out some hope that something might click in the faith department; like I don't quite want to shut that door now, or ever.

I'm not very sure how this class will proceed, or how my personal beliefs or lack thereof will progress, and how some of my now more skeptical/cynical ideas will be received. I'm glad that I didn't let any apprehensiveness in that regard prevent me from doing something that I think will be enjoyable and relationship/community building. But, I do worry what I may have gotten myself into, and whether the experience, strictly from a faith or belief standpoint, will be beneficial or harmful.

Collective History & Racial Prejudice

2011-09-10T22:27:00.000-04:00

I have been making my way through Clifford Conner's A People's History of Science today, and presumably tomorrow. The basic premise is very similar to Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States, that is to say, a history from the bottom up as opposed to the top down. In the context of science, a top down history views scientific progress primarily through the lens of the big names, a few selected geniuses who devised or came about astounding ideas to push forward our collective understanding of the natural, physical world. Thus, it would focus on the names, lives, work, and thought of Aristotle, Newton, Galileo, Darwin, Einstein, Planck, and so on. This history focuses on what the contributions from so-called "commoners" would have been, as such contributions would have had to be made in order for these geniuses to make the "leaps" they seem to do.

One of the general points I gather so far when reading is how, like with all history, we tend to focus our concentration on a singular individuals or group of elites. From a textbook point of view, in terms of condensing history into space, and making it so the topics and information is not overwhelming to learners, it makes sense. When one studies any particular topic in history more specifically and in depth, one quickly discovers how much more complicated certain narratives really are, and how the "heroes" of our history from our standard textbook versions are sometimes not deserving of such hero worship. In reality, progress, be it in terms of political civilization or scientific thought, while may be pushed forward significantly by certain individuals, is still the result of collective and communal action. Very rarely do certain historical "leaps" happen in a vacuum; more likely is that we simply do not have information on the masses that contribute as they do not contribute in any fashion to the writing of the history.

In addition, sometimes we do not have that information as a certain time's prejudices, be it racial, economic, or gender based, do not allow the writers of history to credit certain individuals or people. Conner specifically makes this point in his book on the insistence of people to attribute much of the founding of certain aspects of "western" civilization to the Greeks, and discredit any type of influence from the great empires of Egypt. These historians could not credit Egypt because it was in Africa, and all Africans had to be of a lower "class" of human than Europeans. Once it became obvious that they could not ignore the contributions of the Egyptian empire to progressive civilization, they characterized Egyptians as really white people who had just been "tanned" and "darkened" by the sun. The overt racism of these historians have no doubt continued to affect our society today, where issues of racial equality still face significant hurdles.

I believe it is important to be cognizant of such biases in our history writers, both of yesterday and today, thereby establishing a firmer understanding of how that bias may affect not only their interpretations of history and current events, but our understanding as well. Historians from two centuries ago tried to downplay the importance of the Egyptian civilization solely due to their belief that the inhabitants of the African continent had to be inferior to those of Caucasian background. The height of Greek civilization lasted less than 500 years. The height of Roman civilization lasted maybe 500 years. Egyptian civilization was the dominant and most advanced civilization for well over a thousand years, if not two or three. I think such a fact speaks volumes as to the power and effect of racial prejudice.

Gregg for Indiana

2011-09-10T08:00:00.000-04:00

This past Wednesday night I got to experience something for the first time - a political fundraising dinner. I was an attendee as our local county's Jefferson Jackson Dinner, which is a fundraising event for area and state Democrats. Besides hearing talks from two local Democratic mayors, the main address was given by John Gregg, who is the presumptive Democratic nominee for Governor of Indiana.

Couple of things stand out to me. One, how easily and natural all the political conversation was. It has much to do with the fact that most of the people in the room have similar political philosophies, but it was a different experience for me, as I often find myself very guarded about what I say depending on who I am around. In some respects, it was just nice to listen to the conversation, as it tended to be very informative, regardless of political philosophy, on local issues.

The second is that I came away impressed with the main speaker, John Gregg. It's obvious as to why he has been a successful lawyer and a successful politician in the past. He is very articulate, and was very insightful on the challenges his campaign will face. He also came across as very genuine when discussing the need to focus on what people can agree on, understanding that there will always be some issues that people will disagree on; but disagreement does not have to result in division.

We are very long way away from a November 2012 election, and thus, much can change. But, for at least one night, I came away very impressed and even optimistic. And as politics usually stress me out, gets under my skin, and makes me upset, I am appreciative for that little respite.

roles in library and government

2011-09-09T13:28:00.000-04:00

A couple of months ago I started a term on our local library's Board of Trustees, and thus far it has been an enjoyable and enlightening experience. One of the more enjoyable aspects, for someone who tends to be as opinionated as I am, is that I am in the shoes of a policy maker in this role, and as such, am free to speak my mind on relevant topics to the library. Much of my job entails representing public bodies and agencies and making sure they keep in line, so to speak, with their statutory and other legal obligations when conducting business. As such, it is very rarely, if ever my role, to speak my opinion on a matter of policy (in reality, the only time a situation would get close to calling for it advising on what the fallout of a particularly policy decision may be - but again, its not my opinion of whether such decision is good or bad, simply brainstorming as to what the effects of the decision will be).

Anyway, all that being said, its been nice to put on the hat of a policy maker and all that such entails - listening, discourse, reasoning through various options that are put forth. Obviously, the scope of a library's policy decisions is limited, but I think it can be argued that a library in a small town, and a rural small town at that, through its programs and services it offers, has impact on people's quality of life. Contemplating decisions that, hopefully, improve the lives of those in our community is a great opportunity to have.

It's also been enlightening. While I mentioned that a library's impact may be minimal, and while that may be true, the impact our library has, particularly through the services it can offer, are greater than I had initially perceived. Learning about the varying impact of funding decisions from the federal, state, and local level and how it affects real services is also informative. Not being overwhelmed by the information is key, I think, in order to ensure that all the information is considered, thus helping in making better decisions. I also believe that not just understanding the nuts and bolts of financing, but understanding how all that happens, even in a large nation like ours, is interrelated and has long ranging effects. In part, I think that a problem with our societal understanding of government, politics, and the like, is that there is very little understanding about how government works, and what is lost or gained by certain political decisions. And ultimately, the failure for that understanding is on both the policy makers, for not pressing to get that information and explanation to people, and on the people, for not actively engaging in the process and taking the time to think critically about the information.

In any event, I continue to be excited by the opportunity to have impact in our community; not only through library programs and services that I can support as Trustee, but hopefully through better communication and education about the role of the library, and how federal, state, and local political decision making can effect the library's role and impact.

More banality

2011-09-06T16:13:00.000-04:00

Things just continue to roll along, and I often find myself waiting for something big to interrupt it, thinking that might provide something worthy to blog about besides my random thinking from whatever book I happen to be reading. But, alas, I sometimes think that life doesn't quite work that way, leaving me with another banal post about comings and goings.

In any event, it was very nice to have a holiday weekend and the extra day off from work. Since about June, work has been brutal, for a variety of reasons, and an extra day of respite from it was nice to have. Over the weekend Jackie and went down to the Fort Wayne area for a wedding. Nothing of note, but it was nice to see and spend a little time with her parents. When we returned home, we had a nice day of just enjoying the fact that Monday was the usual Monday. It was quiet, relaxing, and all around nice. On Monday, I traveled to Coldwater, MI to attend the morning showing at a dog show that my sister was at with her new pup, Finnegan; an Australian Shepherd. It was interesting - I enjoy experiences where there is new things to learn, and my sis was great at explaining certain items of how the show is conducted and judged. It was great to see her really enjoying this hobby of hers as well. Afterwards, I went with her, her husband, and my niece to grab some lunch before heading home. Due to distance and various life circumstances, we don't see too much of each other, so it was a nice little visit.

Once getting back, we had an invitation to visit some friends for dinner (and a fantastic dinner at that - 1/3 pound hamburgers, excellent unique pasta salad - kudos to Richard & Sara for knowing how to entertain), and just some time visiting with them and their kids. It capped a good weekend perfectly.

As I said, I sometimes find myself waiting for something big to interrupt the general, never ceasing flow of life. I have to catch myself not to ignore the flow itself, because it has some pretty great moments, as this past weekend showed.

war and evil

2011-08-15T09:55:00.000-04:00

In the middle of reading In This Hospitable Land by Lynmar Brock, Jr., a book based upon one family's true story of their experiences fleeing their home in Belgium and the Nazis during World War II. The book, like so many that deal with the Jewish experience during WWII, is harrowing. While not as emotionally powerful (yet, at least) as Elie Wiesel's Night, it reminds me much of reading Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay awhile back. You read a passage and feel like you've been punched in the gut. The cruelty of humankind in war is horrendous. The choices that war and survival lead to, and the actions it causes people to contemplate, seem unfathomable.

No matter how I try, I cannot comprehend the evils that our species inflicts on one another.

Book Thoughts: A Visit from the Goon Squad

2011-07-26T13:42:00.000-04:00

A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Fascinating read, on many levels. The storytelling itself takes another form, as you start in the first chapter with two characters, and you weave backwards and then forwards in time on events with these two characters and the other individuals they meet. In the process, you learn a great deal about them, and gain insight into the others as well. While some may be annoyed by the chapters jumping around time, as well as changing the narrating perspective, I found that it kept me more interested to see who I was listening(reading) to now, and how they were connected to everyone else. There was even one chapter that took the form of a powerpoint presentation.

What I take from the book is, what I perceive, the commentary it offers on how relationships and people connect and communicate to one another. The last chapter in particular, I think, offers a interesting, if not grim, view of how we will communicate to each other in the future, a world built upon the current world of Twitter, Facebook, smartphones, and text language. Interesting characters; creates opportunities for reflection on our interactions; diverse perspectives; a good read.

View all my reviews

Some additional thoughts...

I mentioned this above in the Goodreads review, but what really sticks with me from this book is the vision it creates for communication among individuals in the future, and how much manipulation and distrust comes as a result (I don't want to spoil anything here with specifics, as I would recommend the book to most anyone). But it leaves with a question concerning how we currently use social media (Twitter, Facebook, etc.)...how does it improve our relationships. It seems to me, that if the use of such tools becomes the end in itself, so to speak, as opposed to the means to an end, that end being more fulfilling, better relationships (with whomever) or more knowledge, then the future will be somewhat bleak, and foreign. While technology through time always creates a distinct separation between times, making today look foreign to someone from a hundred years ago, the constant has been that human interaction, human relationships have not changed so drastically. An individual from a hundred years ago can still recognize the importance of family, of friendships, of community.

I think Egan, through this book, and particularly the last chapter, posits an important question - will the use (overuse?) of social media result in fundamentally changing those foundational relationships, thereby severely cutting of the future from the past?

Shifting Perspectives

2011-07-25T14:33:00.000-04:00

My reading over the last week has given me cause to reflect on the importance of one's perspective. I recently finished "Home" by Marilynne Robinson, an outstanding read, and am currently reading Jennifer Egan's "A Visit From the Goon Squad."

Perspective comes into play in "Home" as it is a follow up to Robinson's prior novel, "Gilead." In "Gilead," the story was told from the perspective of John Ames, an aging minister writing a letter to his son. Throughout the novel/letter, one comes to know Ames' good friend, another aging minister, Robert Boughton, who lives with his daughter Glory, and whose often lost son, John Ames Boughton, returns. In "Home," the story is told from the perspective of Glory. As a result, one gains a different image of Glory herself, as well as Reverend Boughton and his son, known as Jack.

In Egan's work, perspective comes in as each chapter of the book is narrated or relayed from the perspective of a different character, often times taking a few pages to identify the character and see how he/she relates to the other characters and the overall trajectory of the narrative. I'm still making my way through this book, but I think it presents a similar undercurrent to Robinson's "Home," which is to say, perspective matters.

Perspective matters. In the context of these two works, the shifting perspective is from one storyteller to another; from one individual to another. I often think of the oft used car accident analogy from my law school days - a person on the Southwest corner of an intersection and a person on the Northeast corner of an intersection both witness an accident; the same accident; yet their accounts may very well be different simply due to location, not to mention other extraneous factors that may come into play, such as distractions, lighting, obstructions, etc. An event happens, but one's perspective on that event is often unique, even as compared to others who have experienced that same event.

But I shift this discussion in my head...while these books bring to the forefront the obvious perspective shift from individuals, I am particularly interested in perspective shifts within individuals. What changes about the world, about other individuals, about one's relationships, one's career, and so on when an individual shifts his/her internal perspective on things. These types of question have been weighing on my mind as of late, and have been brought to the forefront lately with the reading of these books, as well as the passing of Jackie's grandfather (who, as I mentioned in a previous post, had such a positive perspective towards things).

Taking this inquiry personally and inwardly, how would my life be better served by attempting to avoid my negative tendencies, and seeking a positive outlook. I often think that much of life is neutral, or even un-changing, and what changes is our reaction to such, controlled by our particular perspective at any given time. This can apply to simple things - is going for a walk this evening going to be painful on my knees and uncomfortable due to the heat and humidity, or a nice opportunity to get fresh air, spend some time conversing with Jackie, and getting the dog exercised. I would posit that both are true statements about the event, but whichever statement I focus on and adopt becomes my meaning for the event, and while both are true, I think most would argue that the second is "better." It can also apply to the larger things in life, relationships with loved ones and friends, managing a home and finances, community involvement, and the like. One's perspective doesn't change truth, or the reality of certain events and existence as a whole, but I think it can significantly change the meaning of those events (and existence), and the results of those events (and existence).

I am curious to see if any noticeable change would occur in my life if I made conscious efforts to be that more positive individual, to suppress, so to speak, my natural inclination towards negativity. Ultimately, there is only one way to find out.

"In the presence of eternity, the mountains are as transient as the clouds." - Robert Green Ingersoll

Life and Death

2011-07-20T10:24:00.001-04:00

Over the weekend, Jackie's grandfather (her dad's dad), Jack, passed away. He was 92 years old, passing 3 years and 1 day after his wife, Louise. I always think of them together, Jack and Louise, and so, from my somewhat outsider perspective, it seems fitting that they are both, once again, in the same place.

Our life has taken us to a place where we don't live in close proximity with family, and one of the results is that we have less time to spend with family than what we would like. That's a long way of saying that my memories of Jack (and Louise) are more limited, obviously, than Jackie's or her family. I do remember on our wedding day having them honored as the longest married couple - 64 years (64!), incredible example of love, devotion, and commitment. I remember the advice Jack gave on that day - "never go to bed angry," and how I always remember it, and how appreciative I am for its usefulness, its wisdom. I remember helping Jack and Louise move from their house in Avilla and thinking that Jack had enough stuff in his garage to open his own hardware store. And Jack had quite the sweet tooth.

I also remember how positive Jack always was, probably because it remains in such direct contrast to my general negativity. But if there was ever living proof of making lemonade out of lemons, of always being thankful for what one has, and not regretful over what doesn't, Jack stands for that. Over the past week, Jackie and I have been working on a picture slideshow for Jack's funeral, and it's amazing to witness another's history. The man lived an amazing, and full, life...working for International Harvester for over thirty years, a volunteer firefighter, various charitable organizations, helped build a new church, a father, grandfather....but I will always think and define him first and foremost as a husband. He's another great model (I have many in my life) of what it means to be a strong man, through family and partnership as a husband.

The year after Jackie and I were married, Jack and Louise celebrated their 65th Wedding Anniversary, and I remember how proud Jack was of the flowers, beautiful roses, that he gave Louise that year. Louise passed away a couple of months later, and I remember Jack saying he was ready shortly thereafter. They were best friends, spouses, partners through and through, and, three years later, it seems particularly fitting that they are together again.

Death is always difficult, because we grieve the physical absence from our lives of those we love. And while I will miss Jack, I am truly glad that he is with his affectionate sweetheart. While I, and Jackie's family I'm sure, were grateful for the additional time we had with Jack, being able to celebrate his 90th birthday - having additional Christmases and Thanksgiving - it seems appropriate to think of him together with Louise, as opposed to separate; that seems to make the world right again.

Tomorrow is Jack's funeral, and we will all grieve the loss of a father, grandfather, friend, and loved one. I will also celebrate a wonderful life, and his reunion with the love of his life.

"Yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, which is why it is called the present. What the caterpillar perceives is the end; to the butterfly is just the beginning. Everything that has a beginning has an ending. Make your peace with that and all will be well." - Buddhist Saying

A river flows

2011-07-10T20:23:00.002-04:00

A river flows,

both violently and calm,

ever-changing,

always constant,

curving around,

weaving through,

life's narrow ways,

struggling to traverse

the gaps it creates.

Missing June...

2011-07-08T13:04:00.000-04:00

Well, it appears I have committed a serious blog fail by not writing a single post during the entire month of June, and not its already a full week into July. June, as well as so far this month, have been busy. The summer is shaping up to be the summer of appellate briefs for me. I spent the last part of May and the first part of June working on an appeal for a 3 day trial (1,000 page trial transcript). After taking a week off to go camping with my family, I came back and started working on another huge brief (actually turned into the longest thing I've ever written), and finished that over this past holiday weekend. My reward is to start working on a brief that is from a trial that was longer than the previous two. I have to remind myself to keep some perspective, and to remember that being busy can be a good thing; and its not that I mind it, per se, its just that I find it harder to maintain a good balance when such happens, and I tend to like myself less when that happens.

Anyway, that's what's been taking up so much of my intellectual/computer energy lately and thus keeping me away from blogging anything. Others things have happened, like the aforementioned camping trip, that would normally have been post worthy. Maybe eventually I will get to that, as well as some other items on my mind. But at least I don't have to worry about missing July on here ;)

withering...

2011-05-26T13:49:00.002-04:00

a shadow of what use to be

lying in the sewer,

discarded ideas, thoughts, loves,

slowly dying, forgotten by minds,

closed out by fear, rejected by tolerance

no place to go, extinction waiting

the bolshie will subsides,

darkness fills all lumination,

the weak evanescent hope

withering in the empty cold.

fog creeping

2011-05-20T09:55:00.002-04:00

fog creeping over the hills, sinking quickly

as it descends the slope, directing toward the picturesque villages

its confusing blend of firm uncertainty

daylight cutting sharply through the dense stupor,

conceiving clarity, wisdom, and senses of enlightened insight,

kindling hope, restoring dedication

Book Thoughts: The Reason For God

2011-05-05T13:34:00.000-04:00

The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

View all my reviews

I finished this book probably over a week ago, and have been letting it digest a bit before writing about it. And after that week, I come to conflicting opinions about the book. I like the book because it is thought-provoking, and I feel that any book that delves into issues regarding the divine, its existence and nature, should be, at a minimum, thought-provoking. But I dislike or am disappointed in the book because it just wasn’t as well-reasoned in some respects as I thought – and that may be more of a problem of my expectations or the recommendations I had. I do not mean to say that the book has poor thought, it just didn’t meet the expectations I had for it before I started.

Keller’s format for the book was to first list what he felt were the seven primary objections people had to Christianity. Some of these I found to be legitimate (the problem of suffering), others, such as abuses and injustice carried out by the “Church,” I found less so. Why I get that often people talk about things like the Inquisition or the hypocrisy they see among Christians or other religious people today, I never considered that a serious objection. Reasonable, rational people will see that all people are hypocritical to a certain extent; hardly ever do we all live up to our perfect ideals. In addition, Keller’s argument on this wasn’t so much of any justification, but more of the old school yard chant of “I know you are but what am I,” as he simply pointed out other hypocrisies or other injustice resulting from non-Christians. All this may be true, but it does little to advance the conversation.

The second half of the book dealt with Keller putting forth positive arguments for God, and specifically, the Christian version of religion. The book was well written, and it is thoughtful, but it is not nearly as rational and logical as I expected, from the recommendations I received about Keller, from the title of the book itself invoking reason, or from wherever. I understand that my expectation probably impacted my reaction to the book, but I don’t think it makes my thoughts any less valid at this juncture. Anyway, I wrote several notes to myself as I was reading the book, and figured I would simply share some of those thoughts as my reaction to Keller’s book here….(could get long)

• Keller, in trying to distinguish religion from science, against the objection the science has “disproven” religion, goes onto to talk about how we have no science yet for thought, consciousness, and thus, these things are in the realm of religion. He further talks about how science cannot do justice to reality as humans experience it. However, his entire discussion comes dangerously close to resulting to having a God of the gaps mentality. What happens if and when science discovers a link between neurons in the brain and morality, between chemical reactions and particular states of consciousness? There are experiments being done in this regard right now, and Keller is assuming that these will never be addressed by science. In some way, his claim is not substantively different than those who’d believe that the Sun was a God because it provided life, or that there was nothing to explain our existence outside of a creator, as opposed to evolution and particle physics. Keller is probably right about how “cold” science can feel; but that’s not logical justification for anything.

• Keller also posits that it is a false logic to argue that if one part of scriptures cannot be taken literally then none of it can be taken literally. I would agree with Keller, but it raises a question that he fails to address, which is how we are to interpret, and when we should be taking something literally and something metaphorically. He is using his reason to discount some of the Bible stories as metaphorical as opposed to literal, and in others as being literal and not metaphor, but provides no guiding principle. Further, he provides no justification (presumably besides faith) for why the Bible should be considered authoritative at all. (in some respects, many of his arguments for Christianity is based on the Bible, and that, outside the realm of faith, is an appeal to authority with no presentation of why it is authority).

• Keller spends time concerning the veracity of the New Testament writings, arguing that what was written had to be true because of the great duress the writers would have faced, the facts that what they wrote could have been fact checked by others who were alive (primarily for Paul’s letters). The best this can be is that Paul (or whoever wrote the letters) believed what they were writing. But their belief does not make it true, even if the belief is reasonable. Keller argues that one must accept the authoritativeness of the Bible because any faith in Jesus requires such a position because Jesus believes in the authority of the Bible. Leaving aside the fact that the Bible (or at least half of it) wasn’t written yet when Jesus was alive, it seems odd and a bit misleading to say that Jesus believed in something as authority that he hadn’t read; but this argument may very well be consistent for Christians, and people of the Bible, but not for those who aren’t. In the end, it seems that much of Keller’s focus is one demonstrating that Christianity is consistent within its own belief system, yet he provides little reason why such should be accepted by non-Christians without the same foundation. Why internal consistency is great, and many of his arguments do show this (albeit with clever semantics, not that I am opposed to that), he presents his topics initially as if he is talking to a non-Christian. And there, his arguments tend to consistently fail under an appeal to a false/unproven authority fallacy.

• Keller’s understanding of how science tests a hypothesis is fine, but his application of it to the question of God is odd. He starts with his theory of God exists, and looks out into the world for evidence through observation. He concludes that people live everyday like there is a God; therefore there is a God (this is a little oversimplification of his argument, but it is the general idea). Seems like a leap to me, but even if that is accepted, it proves absolutely nothing about the nature of God, and one could easily conclude under such a reasoning example as Keller provides that God (in the words of Tyler Durden), hates us. We live in a world and a universe that has so many ways to kill us and bring paid and suffering to us, not as a result of our actions but simply from the natural events of that world. I don’t see how such observation, inherently subjective, constitutes evidence or proof of anything. Science often tries to use machines and the like to make observations because it notes that human observation is so very often grossly misleading, and plainly, wrong. And again, in his arguments here, he uses the Bible as evidence and authority. His argument is constructed upon a preexisting assumption of faith in the Bible. And while that works within a faith system for internal consistency, I suppose, it does little to provide reason or proof of God, which was Keller’s stated proposition at the beginning of this book.

• Similar to my previous note, Keller argues that we live like there is a God, so it is intellectually dishonest to say there is no God. But that assumes that humans are always living rationally, which I think most would posit is rarely true. And in any event, it continues to say nothing about what the nature of that God would be. Keller leaps to say it is the Christian God, but offers no additional reasoning for it.

• Keller argues that only a life centered on God has meaning. This says nothing of actual reality. He continues to say that a life centered on anything else is doomed to unhappiness and fear, but not the life on God. I know many people who think this, but it is opinion. An atheist would no doubt say that a life based on God is living a lie and will also result in misery. All of it is opinion or editorial. There is much use of anecdotal evidence at this part of the argument, which is unconvincing because practically any argument can have anecdotal evidence supporting it. There is anecdotal evidence of people feeling “freer” or more satisfied with their life once they leave religion. It fails to prove anything either way.

• Keller’s response to the problem of suffering is old fashioned (really taken from Job). He essentially posits that we are not to know but must have faith that it would be for a good purpose, and uses anecdotes of people who talk about how much stronger a person they are because of the suffering they have had to endure. I’m not sure how this addresses the person who says they cannot believe in the Christian God (or any other all powerful, all good Divine being) with all the suffering the results from natural events. The answer is to tell them they have to have faith, which isn’t really an answer at all. Further, the idea that good comes out of the suffering leads fairly easily to the idea that the end (stronger person) justifies the means (the suffering). If we are supposed to model our behavior after God, this could have dangerous repercussions.

• Keller argues that another evidence or proof of Christianity is that there is no explanation for the success of the Christian church without the claims about Jesus and the Resurrection being true. Islam is 600 years younger (roughly 30%) and is increasingly getting close to taking over Christianity as the world’s most populous religion. So, does that mean Keller accepts that there is truth in Islam? There’s a logical leap to assume that because some idea is successful in gaining hold that it is truth. 600 years ago, 100% of the population believed that the Earth was at the center of the Universe. Who knows what will happen in the next 600 years that will demonstrate that something we all accept now as truth, really isn’t. There’s lots of factors that go into Christianity’s growth as a religion, and truth is not necessarily one of them (can be, but it’s not necessary, so it fails as a rational argument here). This goes back to another argument of Keller where he says that the truth of Christianity can be seen in that it has spread beyond its original “breeding” ground, presumably that of the Western world. He points to the rapid growth in the modern age of Christianity in Latin America and Africa, whereas Hinduism and Buddhism remain only dominant in Southeast Asia, and Islam in the Middle East, their regions of origin. There’s a lot wrong with this assumption by Keller. First, Christianity is a missionary religion, whereas Hinduism and Buddhism are not, so Christians are actively seeking to convert people from around the world where Hindus and Buddhists are not. That fact should be taken into account by Keller, but he fails to recognize it. Second, his characterization of Islam is a little misplaced. A majority of Muslims live in Asia, not the Middle East, or Arab countries (20%); in fact the largest Muslim country by population is actually Indonesia, in Southeast Asia. In the West it is common to associate Islam mostly with Middle Eastern Arab countries, but the facts don’t support that, and Keller falls prey to that misconception.

Some of those thoughts are probably pretty jumbled, but I felt it was better to share the thoughts at the time I was reading it rather than polishing them up here. As I said, I was often critical of Keller’s take, but that probably had much to do with my expectation of the book. I think he does a good job of showing how, when we understanding certain ideas to mean certain things, that Christianity is plausibly consistent. I have always felt that a belief system, at a minimum, should be consistent, so I do think Keller achieves that. I just think he fails to accomplish his purpose, which is to provide a rational, reasoned argument for the existence of the Christian God to someone who doesn’t currently accept it, primarily because too many of his arguments rest upon the Bible as authority, without further justification. But it is well written, and very thought provoking, so I did enjoy the process of reading and reflecting on Keller’s thinking.

sounds of rain at night

2011-04-27T15:41:00.000-04:00

sounds of rain at night,
a life losing its nature,
suffering in gray;

the divine spirit
of that water, torturing
the chaos within;

beauty all around
mocking the toxic inside,
laughing demons reign.

Banal and Trivial Post About Twitter

2011-04-26T10:48:00.000-04:00

I've had posts in the past that have pontentially hinted at my ongoing struggle with Twitter (three here, and another here; thoughts about leaving Twitter, or how I can't, which goes back to the crux of how I constantly evaluate and re-evaluate how I use social media. Just over a month ago I suppose, I thought I might leave Twitter and see how things go. Part of my thinking was that, for the most part, most of my true social interaction with friends and family occurred on Facebook, if online at all, and so Twitter was somewhat superfluous. I used it primarily for news and information, and the numerous links that it provided for extra reading. But it had little impact.

What I quickly found out, as I have before and should know by now, is that I really enjoy, for lack of a better phrase, all that intake of information, as useless and overloaded as it may be. However, when I went back, I realized I committed a fairly dumb mistake, and actually deleted the account, as opposed to simply deactivating the user profile. After cursing myself for such an idiotic mistake (coupled with just how insanely banal all this is), I decided to simply create another account. In so doing, I also thought it might be interesting to see how my sharing habits would change if it was somewhat anonymous. After a month of thought about it, I don't imagine that there is much substantive change, just that I was more active than usual.

Anyway, as the little inset on the right suggests, I am active on Twitter again (under the very original handle of @drsdon2). My perspective towards it has changed somewhat - I am not looking at Twitter to be a means of social interaction. I find that such interaction is best left to either Facebook (simply because many friends and family actually use FB as opposed to Twitter), and primarily, to actual, real conversation. I think the Twitter thing has evolved for me to essentially be a combination of Google Reader and this blog. It replaces Google Reader as my primary source of information gathering and news intake, and it assists with the purpose of this blog, simply to be an outlet for expression and release of ideas and thoughts, so I don't stew about things (truly, I find that sending a "tweet" or writing here often prevents me from stewing and stewing...). If Twitter also happens to have some social interaction, its an added bonus again. But I think I have finally gotten comfortable with how I wish to use it, and feel somewhat more efficient knowing that I can cut out Google Reader from constant checking.

Well, so how about that for a banal and trivial post...

(and that's why its my space on the web ;))

Ruin of the Mind

2011-04-19T10:11:00.002-04:00

Ruin of the mind
Fallen from attention
No more vigor remaining
Only resignation existing

To question the truth
In order to find Truth
Overpowered by the crowd
And left in the gutter

The crowd brings power,
Control and madness
While the mind lies fallen
Trampled by the masses

From deep within
The tattered will beckons
Clawing at the cellar door
In vain attempts to speak

What left to add
From the fallen mind
Outside of screams and cries
And sorrows of defeat

No more ingenuity
No more self volition
Just dreams of independence
Relative to the perception

The mental death occurs
With little fanfare
The mind long forgotten
Lying in ashes

Empathy brings no comfort
No solace is around
Only the persecution
Of a good mind turned stale

The mind lies dead
Defeated by answers
Left in its place
Shells of ignorance

Book Thoughts: God Is Not One

2011-04-14T14:56:00.000-04:00

I finished Stephen Prothero’s God Is Not One: The Eight Rival Religions That Run The World – and Why Their Differences Matter. Prothero gets at his subtitled thesis of his book in his introduction, where he toes the line between stating that religious tolerance is necessary but that religious pluralism is logically inconsistent. Whether that line exists, I think, is a very interesting question and something that I have continued to think about as I continue to read books of this more philosophical/theological bent recently. In part, Prothero asserts that not only is it inconsistent for a Christian to say that a man like Ghandi is going to heaven, its condescending, because ultimately it assumes that the Christian tradition is right (or at least in terms of the existence of heaven and the need for salvation), and Hinduism is truthfully wrong, even if it produces good people. My own example, how would devout Christians feel if a Muslim told them that Mother Theresa would be in their paradise, etc.?

Prothero’s thesis that there are irreconcilable doctrinal differences between the religions is well founded. Such realities make religious pluralism fairly implausible, and while Prothero doesn’t fully address the impact on the concept of religious tolerance, I think it has an effect on that as well. Do we tolerate (or give respect) to ideas that we believe to be fundamentally wrong about the nature of our existence? The nature of the divine? Whether there is sin? An afterlife? One or many or no Gods? Should we allow wrong ideas to exist? In every other knowledge seeking discipline, it is fairly standard to discard that which is proven to be untrue or unfounded, from biology and physics to history and psychology. Should the same be applied to religion, or do we create a permanent barrier between belief and knowledge (while knowing, that so much of what causes people to act is belief)? I find these to be tough but fascinating questions.

What follows through the remainder of the book are Prothero’s summaries of what he deems the eight major religions (the chapters are in order of what he considers the most impactful for the future – which will obviously lead to disagreements, but also some good reflection I think). His eight (in order) are: Islam, Christianity, Confucianism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Yoruba Religion, Judaism, and Daoism. As one can see from this list, Prothero has an expansive view on religion, and some of the more obscure definitely makes for interesting and informative reading. I found Prothero’s summary of each of these thought-systems to be articulate, understandable, and in-depth. For any one interested just in learning about the doctrines and tenets of faith of other religions, this is an excellent book. For those interested in having a resource to easily compare religious thought, to be able to flip back and forth and peruse decent end notes, it is also an excellent book. Overall, I was really impressed with the book and Prothero’s handling of the material.

There was only one drawback for me, and since it was at the end of the book, I suppose it has left a bitter taste. Prothero briefly discusses Atheism at the end of his book. I thought this would be interesting if he approached it in the same way he approached the religions in the book. But rather than solely taking the reporter approach (just providing the information), he editorialized. He focused (admittedly) on the New Atheists as they are frequently referred to (the big names of Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris) are their very aggressive and almost militant approach to refuting religion. I don’t think his criticisms are out of bounds, many of them are fair and I agree with some of them, but I thought it would have been better, and more in line with the rest of the book to discuss the variety that exists in Atheism. How easy it would have been to have sections not just discussing the New Atheism crowd and than a short story about a “friendly atheist,” but also some discussion about varying degrees of agnosticism and humanism, and the “creeds” and approaches these groups take to the big questions. After all, there is no “god” figure in Confucianism and most of Buddhism and lengthy discussions of their history and creed was provided. The same could have been done with Atheism. I believe it would have been better for Prothero to either discuss Atheism in the same way he did these other thought-systems, or to not have included the chapter at all. It truly felt out of place with the style and spirit of the rest of the book.

With that said, I still found the book to be very informative, and a worthy read for anyone interested in learning more about other faith systems.

Book Thoughts: The Book Thief

2011-04-13T22:20:00.000-04:00

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is the second time I have read this book, and I think I enjoyed it more this time. The book is intriguing from the start, as you realize that the narrator is Death. Then, as it turns out, Death has a very dry and sarcastic sense of humor that has you chuckling without even noticing. The topic of the book centers on one girl and her adoption by another German family during the beginning of World War II. As the title hints, this young girl has the habit of stealing books (the details of why and how are best left to those who read it). In the course of the story, the life on a very poor section of the town of Molching in Germany is portrayed. The novel introduces the tragedy of WWII on many fronts, from the well-known aspect of antisemitism and the Holocaust, to the lesser known aspects of the struggles that the poor in Germany went through (simply put, there are a lot of losers when war happens, and sometimes it easy to forget about the "normal" people who may suffer as a result of their country's and its leader's decisions). While there is much sadness and death in the book, there is also a sustaining quality that comes from the many relationships. It makes one think about how humanity is capable of such horror as well as such beauty.

The book is marketed as teen fiction, and I think it does a great job of providing a glimpse of the emotional intensity that surrounds these historical events in a way that a straight facts only history book could not do. Why the history needs to be learned and understood for many reasons, I really enjoy fiction books that can present a small glimpse into the history and use a story to make it more personal, more real even, to the reader. I think it can pique interest into a subject, and as a result of the story and learning about the history due to the interest, better knowledge and dialogue of history can occur.

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I read this book as part of the book club at our local library. Upon completion of reading, we meet at the library and there is a presentation given related to the book. The presentation that night was given by an associate professor of history at a nearby college, and discussed the rise of the Nazi party. I've studied some of this before, but it was still amazing to note how quickly some of these things happen. Hitler was appointed at Chancellor and two months later was essentially a dictator. One thing that caught my attention from our presenter, due in part to the current political climate in our country, is that she made the point that one of the keys to Hitler's consolidation of power was using the government power to disband the trade unions. I think it serves as a reminder that one of the reasons the American experiment has worked for over 200 years is that there is the infamous balance and separation of powers, and not just the separation created by the founding documents of our country, but a balance in power among so many areas. In the context of unions, it may be well to remember that the result of proposed policies in Wisconsin, Indiana, and Michigan, for example, would be to consolidate power in the State executive, and take it away from an organization of people. I don't imagine and have no intention of implying any result closely relating to the fascism that overtook Germany in the 1930s, but simply posit that consolidated power rarely results in good things.

In any event, I have digressed. I truly enjoyed this book, and I truly enjoyed listening to the lecture. It reminded me of my favorite class in high school that combined U.S. History and Literature, where we read works of fiction from a time period while simultaneously studying the history. Learning about slavery while also reading Huck Finn, the 1920s while enjoying The Great Gatsby, the New England colonies while trudging through The Scarlet Letter, early 20th century worker conditions while reading Sinclair's The Jungle, or the plight of blacks while perusing the poetry of Langston Hughes, all made history much more vivid and personal. I truly think it would be better to teach history this way all the time, despite the increase reading load it would take. But the value of viewing history as personal, and its benefits, I think would be truly significant.

Statements of Faith

2011-04-07T16:47:00.000-04:00

The past few weeks my Bible study class has been winding down, focusing on the New Testament and a "where do we go from here" mentality. While there are still several more weeks in the class, one of our "assignments" for the class was to prepare an individual statement of faith. Such statement would be incorporated with others to make a composite, or group, statement of faith for the class.

It was interesting to hear my classmate's statements, and in particular, how similar they were. I imagine this is a good thing; all are members of the same church, have been for awhile, and it make sense to have a similarity or a consistency among them. Their statements of faith dealt with belief, i.e., this is what I believe. Most statements were fairly similar to the beginning of the Nicene Creed. As I was listening to the statements, I was also struck how different mine was from the rest. In many ways this is not surprising, I tend to be unconventional when it comes to matters of faith, religion, and spirituality. Much of our discussions in the past few weeks have centered on the concept of "faith alone" versus "faith and works," a central point of contention between Catholics and Protestants, at least during the Reformation period. I was not taking either view really, but rather contending that any sense of "faith" must be present in actions and deed, not thought or speech. The simple version being that talk is cheap, deeds matter.

I struggle at times conveying what I mean in this regard, but I was never positing that deeds "earned" anything, which I think is a hanging point for many people of Christian backgrounds when discussing this issue. For Christianity, salvation is not earned in any sense, it is given and has to be accepted. While I think there are semantics muddying the issue a bit (when don't I?), this wasn't really the end sought for the positions I discussed. Rather, (again, some semantics here), to me, faith is not belief, it is action. Thus, for me, when asked to have an individual statement of faith, I am not thinking about what I believe, but what I should do. Which is why the statement of faith I presented to the class had no nouns.

"Be Mindful. Be Compassionate. Be Humble. Seek Justice. Seek Truth. Seek Peace."

Book Thoughts: The End of Faith

2011-04-04T13:53:00.000-04:00

The End of Faith: Religion, Terror, and the Future of Reason by Sam Harris

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Thought provoking read, which is what I think anyone asks for when reading a book of this nature, a book the delves into questions of religion truth and utility, ethics and consciousness. I don't necessarily agree with all of Harris's points, but he makes strong arguments to support his positions, and truly gives his reader good points to chew on and reflect upon. I was particularly interested in his discussion near the end of the book, concentrating solely on the concept of consciousness, as well as ethics, from a scientific viewpoint. I think much of ethics is not understood by the general public, primarily the necessity of a divine being for ethics to exist, so this was a very relevant conversation for our times. I believe that Harris' most recent book, "The Moral Landscape," addresses these issues, so I will probably find myself reading that in the near future.

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There are two primary aspects of the book that stands out to me. First, is Harris' treatment of Islam, and how he sees that impacting future relations. Second, mentioned previously, is the reality of spiritual experiences, consciousness, without faith. Harris sees Islam as very dangerous for the future of current civilization. His reasoning, in a nutshell, is that Islam theology is currently where Christian theology was approximately 600 years ago. Well, 600 years ago, Christianity was conducting the Inquisition against witches and pogroms against Jews, killing thousands upon thousands of people. The danger, as Harris sees it, is that modern technology, particularly modern weaponry, could result in those thousands of people being millions of people. I think Harris acknowledges that such literalism in holy book interpretation is not Islam's province alone, but he asserts that the literalism in the West and the Judeo-Christian traditions have had the filter of reason to weed out the absurd from those religious texts (Deuteronomy, after all, if interpreted literally, would support a whole bunch of killing, maybe even me), whereas such has not taken place in Islam yet. I am still digesting Harris's thoughts here, but I imagine it will be interesting to see how the relationship between a rational secular world and certain fundamentalist strains of Islam progresses.

I mentioned in my the short review on Goodreads that I think people often misunderstand ethics by finding no place for it outside the existence of a divine being. From a purely philosophical point of view, the ethical systems of John Stuart Mill, Aristotle, Hume, Locke, and Kant, among others, do not rely on such a being, while others, such as Thomas Aquinas and Augustine, do. While I enjoy this discussion, what really caught me from Harris's book is his use of the concept of consciousness to argue for "spiritual" experience that have no divine being. Its not a new idea to me - after all, much of Buddhism is about spiritual experiences with no belief in God - but the tying of consciousness to science, and Harris's assertion that eventually, science will be able to document such experiences as it continues to understand the brain, neurology, and its relation to what we deem as consciousness. As Harris notes, in the West, we have essentially relegated spiritual experience completing to the realm of the religious, and there may not be a real good reason to do so. Thus, one other idea that I continue to chew on after reading this book is how, with a "western" mentality of focus on science and rationality, and absent any religious connotation, what spiritual experiences can be had.

Opening Day Again

2011-03-31T11:35:00.000-04:00

Today is opening day of the baseball season, with my Tigers set to take on the Yankees this afternoon (assuming the weather cooperates). I will be watching the game this afternoon and enjoying the hope that always springs eternal at the beginning of the season. Thought I would also share again what I wrote last year about Opening Day.

Book Thoughts: The Passage

2011-03-28T11:04:00.000-04:00

The Passage by Justin Cronin

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A long but very worthwhile read. The novel is the first in a planned trilogy, and I think it helps to know this going into the story, so as not expect a certain finality to the end of the book. Presumably, the novel begins in the near future right before a apocalyptic event occurs. This event is really brought upon mankind by itself - think of the great ethical point made in Jurassic Park, scientists were so preoccupied with whether the could do something they never stopped to think if they should. Anyway, they did, the experiment went awry, chaos broke out, and humanity seems to be clinging to life on a thread, scraping an existence that fear is a constant part of. (I am purposely avoiding too many details as to avoid any spoiler information).

I was impressed with the writing. While some of the characters or a bit archetypal, there are so many that are very interesting, and because Cronin wasn't afraid to develop them (hello 750 pages), they continue to evolve throughout the novel in their own way. As a reader I became concerned when one of the characters would break off from the main plot line of the story, but Cronin kept their story part of the novel, and continued to increase the depth of the particular character. As enjoyable as it was to learn more and more about these characters, the expansive scope of the plot is really something else. It truly feels epic, and, despite the novel's length that I mentioned earlier, and that it is only the first of three books, I never felt bogged down. It continued to be a page turner right to the end, and left me wanting not to wait to read the following books (the second is not even out until 2012).

Cronin creates a vivid picture of a post-apocalyptic world that makes one think about our current uses of our planet's resources and the importance of a reflective and thoughtful approach to ethics in the scientific community, but also highlights the beauty that remains in such a world through the bond of human relationships.

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Birthday Reflections

2011-03-25T13:16:00.000-04:00

I meant to write and post this earlier, on Monday, so it was actually on my birthday, but time got away. So anyway, this past Monday was my 30th birthday, which gave the opportunity to family and friends and co-workers to (for whatever reason) take some joy in ribbing me about turning 30. I get that birthdays with zeros at the end tend to be a bigger deal to a lot of people, and on some level it "feels" a bit out of place for me to say that I am no longer in my 20s, but generally the age thing doesn't affect me much. But it is humorous to let go of that ever-present self-consciousness and enjoy the cracks on age from those around me (after all, they're all older anyway :)).

I've wrote before about my love of making resolutions, and I find that I approach my birthday to take advantage of the opportunity to make another resolution, and to reflect on the past year in my life. Last year at this time, the focus in our household was about getting healthier...eating better, exercise more, losing weight. I set a goal for myself at the time that I thought was very ambitious, in light of how I never had successfully lost weight before in my life. That goal was to lose 50 pounds before my next birthday. I didn't meet the goal, but not for lack of trying or for lack of progress. Up to that point, I had already dropped about 15 pounds, so while I did not lose another 50, I have lost 50 total. As of this week, the weight loss meter is close to sixty pounds overall. So I missed the goal by about 5 pounds. I don't get the nice round number I wanted to reach, but I have a confidence now that I didn't last year. The 5 pounds feels inevitable, whereas last year any weight loss seemed monumental. I still have a long way to go to where I want to be, but last year I made a resolution that focused me throughout the next year. This year its the same. 50 didn't work last year, but I am hoping that it can work this year, pushing me over 100 total. This has become part of my life now, so that while there are set backs, I know its not permanent. My lifestyle and the way I look at food and calories and exercise has shifted fundamentally.

But while that goes well, other things about the birthday are frustrating, I suppose. Its not the year older part, its not the number.....the best way I can explain it is that whenever I reflect I think about how I should have done more, accomplished more, have more, etc. by this time in my life. I think part of it stems from a lack of perspective at times, as well as being too much of a planner. I like to plan everything out, put everything on a schedule and complete it on time, and sometimes life just doesn't work that way. For the past several years, that lesson has been learned the hard way with the frustration Jackie and I have faced with trying to have a baby. I have grown both more patient and impatient, and it becomes maddening as you realize how little control one really has. It was naively arrogant of me to assume that something like that could fit so easily into one of my pre-thought out schedules. But, while that journey has been humbling along with beyond frustrating, it has also been strengthening.

The journey has been strengthening because it has helped put things into focus - about my priorities, about what I seek and what I want and what I need. Simply, it has helped me grow in so many ways. I am a better husband and friend for those frustrations, and I imagine I will be a better father whenever such a blessing happens.

Part of the issue with this type of birthday reflecting, at least for me, is that it is easier to focus on what I don't have (don't have a child, don't have less debt, don't have more money, etc.) by a certain age, as opposed to what I do have. I have wonderful parents who have become great friends. I can't imagine having better in-laws. I have a great sister who has a great family of her own. I have a dog who I make her world everyday just by coming home, and reminds me that while I may not have a child, I do have a family. And most of all, I am married to my best friend and get to spend each and every day with her, traveling the roads of life together. I have so much.

I am truly one lucky guy.

Book Thoughts: People of the Book

2011-03-24T14:47:00.000-04:00

People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I found this book to be particularly interesting about halfway through when I made a realization. Often when one read books (at least this is true for me), if its not an action/mystery/thriller where you are reading to solve the puzzle, you are reading to engross yourself into the characters. To learn more about them, figure out their unique personalities, their unique histories, everything that gives them depth and make them appear to be real life people. Well, I was somewhat disappointed with this book for the first half because I felt like I wasn't getting that type of in depth character portrayal. The novel is a story about a book known as the Sarajevo Haggadah, a real 15th/16th century book and its recent re-discovery in Bosnia in 1996, during the middle of the conflict taking place there at the time. The novel then traces the history of the book backwards, which means that while the primary arc of the story is the "present day" of the initial narrator, the book expert charged with conserving/preserving the Haggadah for display in a museum, the reader is given multiple stories going backwards through time, taking the reader through the events of WWII in the Bosnian territory, to Vienna at the turn of the 19th Century, along with Venice and southern Spain even further back. As such, its hard to develop consistency with any one character set, and the reader is left hanging somewhat as to what happens to the characters involved with the Haggadeh once their path no longer crosses the path of the book.

But, the realization hit that the novel was not about "people" characters, and thus a story about them, but the story of this book, and the amazing journey it took from its unique and conflicting creation to surviving hundreds of years of antisemitism throughout Europe. I believe, that once read from that perspective, focusing primarily on the book's story and journey, as opposed to the plights of the people throughout the novel, "People of the Book" becomes a fascinating story of a unique journey through history, and results in an interesting and entertaining read.

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I think the book also makes one reflect on the history of discrimination towards "others" that have existed in our world. As I mentioned above, this book highlights the discrimination prevalent in Europe towards Jews, simply on the basis of their religion. More to the point, the discrimination often occurred because of a competing religion's (be it Christianity or Islam) views towards another faith. As you read about the history (or fictional history as it may be) of the Sarajevo Haggadeh, and how it survives despite this bigotry, its inspiring and upsetting. Its amazing that such a precious work of art that is contained in this Haggadeh has survived centuries that saw increasingly antisemitism evidenced by continent wide pogroms and culminating in the horror of the Holocaust. Its disappointing to reflect at how little has changed. The Holocaust is still less than a century ago. There is constant tension between the three major monotheistic religions in the Middle East today. In the United States, there is a rapid growth of prejudice against individuals of the Muslim faith. I can't help but wonder if such prejudice is inherent in these faith systems; and regardless of that answer, why individuals cannot avoid acting in such violent and disrespectful ways upon such systems.

Reader's Perception

2011-03-07T16:26:00.000-05:00

I recently finished "The Club Dumas", by Arturo Perez-Reverte, and found a quote from one of the characters at the end of the novel to be insightful into the nature of reading and books...

. . . there are no innocent readers anymore. Each overlays the text with his own perverse view. A reader is the total of all he's read, in addition to all the films and television he's seen. To the information supplied by the author he'll always add his own. And that's where the danger lies . . . (p. 335)

I think speaks not just to books, but how one perceives so much of his or her surrounding world. It reminds me of a similar concept, I think, that came through when reading Stephen Hawking's "The Grand Design", that of how observation of the present changes the past. The idea that nothing is neutral, nothing is static in the ideas we profess and the world we observe. Its changing constantly, and we, through our own perceptions, contribute and cause that change. I think this raises many interesting questions and points for discussion, but the one on my mind right now is...knowing how the information we have affects our perceptions, and thereby affects the world, what duty (if any) are we under to obtain information, and consequently, what information should we be seeking? (how's that for a convoluted question).

As the ancient philosopher Heraclites provides, One cannot step into the same river twice.

Rebooting

2011-03-07T07:39:00.000-05:00

This morning, after about a two week hiatus, I reacquainted myself with our treadmill. This decision to take a break was never permanent, but I rather wanted to focus my attention on my eating habits, as I felt that was the constant thing holding me back from continuing to make progress in my weight loss journey. So, for the last two weeks or so, I have been completely focused on my eating, counting calories obsessively (with the help of My Fitness Pal), and have experienced good progress on that front, seeing some pounds drop off just from that effort.

Now, I try to amp it up, add some designated calorie burning activity to my day, and keep my focus to limit what I eat. My 30th birthday is 2 weeks away, and I have a symbolic weight in my mind that I would like to reach...so I can say as I enter my thirties I will never have a weight above this again. So, refocusing, and rebooting myself for an intense couple weeks to make that goal, and continue onward from there.

Twitter

2011-02-13T22:06:00.002-05:00

Just can't leave Twitter alone...and it just seems to be a better avenue for me than this...

twitter.com/drsdon

Struggles

2011-01-30T22:00:00.000-05:00

I feel like I have really struggled to write here, at all, in the last few months. Its somewhat appropriate, if not ironic, that what is on my mind is struggles of a different sort that I have had the last couple months.

I've struggled with continuing my dedication to exercise and better eating. I hit the big plateau of 50 pounds of weightloss, and have pretty much stopped. I haven't gained any back, thankfully, but I have not continued to lose, which would be easy (I think) if I could remain focused on my goals. But I have failed to work out consistently, consistently "slumping" to 2-3 days a week, and my eating habits have worsened. I can't really pinpoint a reason for it, except to say that I assume that such struggles are inherent in such a process. But understanding that it may be so does nothing to reduce my frustration towards my inability in this regard.

I've struggled with the past few months in trying to remain...positive, I guess would be the best way to say it. Shortly after Jackie's miscarriage and everything that entailed, I wrote about trying to maintain hope in the face of severe disappointment. That has been difficult. I am already, by natural inclination, a more negative, critical, or cynical person; as such, I often find striving for hope and optimism to be an uphill climb in normal situations, let alone in a situation that causes deep pain. Its a process...

Finally, I've struggled greatly in the last few months with faith and belief. I do not doubt that the trigger for this period of struggle, as well as a significant contributor, was the pain caused by the miscarriage. From a spiritual standpoint, particularly with the divine references in so many, if not all, the words of comfort and solace we received, makes it easy for me to delve into those issues and questions, and increasingly, with little answer. As I continue my class at our local church studying the Bible, as much as I enjoy the people and getting to know them better, I find more and more ideas, beliefs, positions, stances, etc. that are impossible for me to accept, and many that I completely reject (at least right now). While I know things change, and many things in life, particularly things of this nature, remain fluid, I feel a genuine flow in one direction at this point. Its not the rejection of belief and faith couple with the acceptance of a definitive stance in the other direction, but it is an embrace of doubt and skepticism, with little hope of clarity. This, probably more so than the others, weighs on me the most - for lack of better wording, there's seems no place to occupy with such opinions...

So it goes. I suppose I will continue to strive for more consistency in my workouts and better choices with my eating habits; in some ways, that struggle is almost a relief from the other two, as I feel like there is something I can do - the others seem, for whatever reason, out of my control.

"to be nobody but yourself, in a word which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you every body else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting" - E. E. Cummings

Reflection from Reading A Dog Named Slugger

2011-01-14T14:26:00.000-05:00

A Dog Named Slugger by Leigh Brill

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

As a dog lover, I really liked this book. The book follows the author's journey with, as the title suggests, a dog named slugger. The author has cerebral palsy, and she gets slugger as a working dog to assist her. We learn how the author decides to get the dog, and how the bond with Slugger grows and grows throughout the relationship. The book not only serves as a reaffirmation to me of the great companionship one can receive from a dog, but also highlights how that companionship can make one into a better person. In addition, the story also amazes at how intelligent working dogs can be, and how worthy of a purpose they serve and how much good they create in our world. There are stories that will definitely make the dog owner laugh, strengthen their own bond with their own dog, as well as cry. A great read for any one who loves dogs.

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The above was my review of the book from Goodreads, which I often cross post on my blog. But I wanted to reflect more here about a particular part of the book. Throughout the book, it becomes obvious to the reader, and eventually to the author herself, how much more confidence (as well as a loss of excessive self-consciousness) she gains from having Slugger around. This struct a chord with me, as I thought about our dog Ellie, and the ways she has improved me - made me a better person, at least in my own eyes. It is directly related to being less self-conscious, specifically with how I interact and talk to Ellie.

In the past, I have always found it incredibly difficult to interact with young children - an ever present fear as Jackie and I continue our journey to hopefully have children of our own some day. I would always note that others seemed to so easily talk, in what I deem a "baby voice" when they talk to a baby, infant, and so on. I never really seemed to be able to do it naturally, partly because I would be so extremely self-conscious about what I was saying and how I was acting. Getting Ellie really changed that for me. I talk to her in a certain voice; I lose my worries about self-consciousness and just enjoy the moment and the interaction. From that, I have found recently that I have improved my comfortability factor when interacting with infants and young kids, having interactions I would have never thought possible. Its a small thing, and for many I'm sure it seems pretty insignificant, but growing up and having very rarely being around infants, its interesting for me to step back and realize the progress I've made in that regard. And I truly do believe it has to do with Ellie....I mean, I hardly even call her by her full name unless I am directing or commanding her someplace - its always Ell-Bell, Sweetie, Sweetie-pie....for someone who has a problem with taking himself too seriously as I often do, being able to lighten up and enjoy these moments have been great experiences.

I always feel that relationships should be about pushing you forward, making you a better person and making you desire to be that better person. As I continue to believe that companionship with a dog is a worthy relationship, the fact that I can see how I myself have become a better person because of my relationship with our dog reinforces this truth for me.

Thanks Ell-Bell...

Book Thought: The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid

2011-01-13T10:08:00.000-05:00

The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

An easy and enjoyable read, the book is Bryson's memories of growing up in the 1950s in Des Moines, Iowa. He relates many, many anecdotes from his childhood experiences, and told with the perspective of that child - which is to say, different from the perspective of an adult. What he relates, besides some humorous stories from childhood mishaps and fantasy, is how both the simplicity of the time was a blessing and a curse. Life was simpler, in a way, everyday life had more freedom and was not bogged down by the many complications that society seems to have today. Yet, that simplicity also produced a lack of awareness, almost a naivete, where people were so excited about some of the new stuff that they never stopped to think about its consequences (particularly when it came to military weaponry research). In addition, one can see through the memoir the veneer of life in the 50s, where on the surface everything appeared on the up and up, and yet, for minorities it was still a time of struggle and conflict. One can also lament the lost of the individuality of towns that existed in the 50s. The loss of unique downtowns and every city being different to the current marketplace where certain big stores and restaurants are everywhere. Good read, particularly, I imagine, for anyone who grew up in th 50s or for anyone just wishing to get a small glimpse into what it meant to come of age during that time. I thought it was humorous at times, but not laugh out loud funny as some as have suggested.

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Resolutions

2011-01-03T12:15:00.000-05:00

I often think that New Year's is a holiday created for me. Why? Because I am always making resolutions; truly, always, and New Year's always provides a nice clean demarcation line to use, similar to birthdays and anniversaries and so on. But because I am so used to making so many resolutions in my life, there's never one thing I can point to above anything else. In 2010, it seemed much of my focus was on losing weight, which is the cliche resolution to make. Yet, personally, that resolution was made a few weeks before 2010 started due to health concerns, as I wrote on the blog at the time. And, it wasn't a single year resolution, but a lifetime one. When you constantly make resolutions like I do, remember when you make them, resolutions confined to a single year are rare.

Anyway, I enjoy making resolutions - because I find it reminds me that I always have things to work on, to improve, things at which to better myself. They don't always fit nicely into yearly things, but the cleanness that comes from a new year does provide an adequate opportunity to reflect on past resolutions and their current progress, and think about ones that need to be made. Much of what I seek to improve upon is ongoing, and I occasionally write about here, but something that is a continually gnawing is striving for more efficiency. The reality is that there is only so much time available to accomplish certain things, to read certain items, to write certain ideas, etc. So, the question of efficiency is to prioritize what things have time spent on them and analyze how that time is spent. This is a daily/weekly/monthly thing for me - in some ways, its kind of counter-productive, how much time do I needlessly waste thinking about how to use my time more efficiently. That's a little more meta than I want to be at the moment, but it does crop up every now and then.

But before I digress or babble on even more, what is currently on my mind today is my use of Twitter. In the past, I have written a lengthy post or two about social networking sites and my use and attitude towards them. The reality is, I think, is that I hardly use Twitter for any actual social networking or keeping up with friends, Facebook does that for me on the web, and frankly, in person is and always will be the primary goal. Twitter is primarily a news source for me. More and more, however, while the instant access to the news and opinion is enticing, its also inherently less thoughtful and more shallow than what I get, say, through a magazine subscription or through a subscription in Google reader. Those things take more time to read for sure, but they also create a better information source. Efficiency versus completeness.

I think the truth of the matter is that, for whatever reason, I feel compelled to participate in any tool that I deem worthy enough to have an account to begin with; and yet, doing anything with Twitter would be redundancy overkill combined with Facebook, a blog, Goodreads. There's nothing more to add to a Twitter feed that wouldn't be covered somewhere else, and considering where most of my friends and family make their online presence at, there's not a great benefit to sharing on Twitter. I would miss the instant access to news and information, but would gain time to do more writing, as well as substantive reading in books, as well as through Google Reader.

Its ironic really. All of this, this entire blog post, is a way of getting to a conclusion that may have been most efficiently stated in the 140 character limitation of Twitter - Dear Twitter, I think I'm leaving you.

Review: Reading Lolita in Tehran

2010-12-06T16:30:00.002-05:00

Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Great read. Nafisi relates her her personal history in Iran through memories associated with great books, including Nabokov's "Lolita," Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby," along with several works from Henry James and Jane Austen. Thus, to read this book is to also gain a literature's scholar insight into these other great works of fiction. The book itself even has a nice discussion about the concept of fiction and its role in society, particularly interesting in light of the transition of Iran during Nafisi's time there and its evolving cultural and religious attitudes towards works of fiction.

Nafisi's memoir takes the reader back to a short time before the Iranian Revolution when she arrived back in Iran to teach at the University of Tehran. From there, we hear her stories about the changing ideology during the revolution, its eventual "success," followed by eight long years of war with Iraq, and the all the resulting subjugation that so many women experienced during this time. While the history she provides relating the Revolution and the war with Iraq are interesting, the book is most fascinating when she shares the stories of the small book class she started teaching in her home with former students, all female. Their discussions and ideas, their sharing of their lives really gives true insight into the total suppression of the Iranian regime, and how that regime permeated everything, taking away even the freedom of thought and love.

I think the book will make one both inspired by the courage these women show, as well as deeply saddened by the tragedy they endure. All the while, we get the sense that in a place where fiction is restricted so much, it becomes even a more important place of escape for one's soul.

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Book Thoughts: Housekeeping

2010-12-01T15:12:00.002-05:00

Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Enjoyed reading this book. Admittedly, its not the easiest of reads, it took awhile for me to get used to the writing style of the author, but I think that style helps contribute to the book's worth - it is very thought provoking. Through its simple story of two girls growing up in tiny town out west, with a huge lake and a railroad going by, and their tragic and unorthodox raising due to certain deaths in their family. Thus, the book makes one think about one's relationships with family members, and most significantly, what constitutes the idea of "home." I think this fundamental question drives the book, but it is by no means the only question the book brings to the forefront on the reader. As I was reading, I found myself thinking about the struggle that can exist between a society's draw on an individual to conform and a soul's draw on the individual to be authentic - and if and how that could be reconciled; reflecting on how tragedy and despair can have such disparate impacts on individuals who appear so close, so similar; as well as the benefit and harm that can be caused by attachment to not only certain things, but to certain people, and certain ideas.

Its not an overly long book, but it does take a bit to work through and digest everything that is going on with the story, the characters, as well as one's own reflections to its themes. A great book for discussion, and a worthy read.

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Christmas Decorations

2010-11-30T21:21:00.000-05:00

Some pics of our Christmas decorations . . .

Thanksgiving

2010-11-28T20:35:00.000-05:00

Like many, many other people around the United States, the past few days have consisted of lots of traveling and eating turkey with family. We started by going to Fort Wayne and celebrating two Thanksgivings - one with Jackie's mom's extended family, then another one just with Jackie's immediate family, including her grandfather. Following that, we headed up to Lansing and had a small Thanksgiving meal with my parents. Both my parents were feeling a bit under the weather, catching a cold bug that has hit my sister's family for over a month. Because of that, my sister's family stayed home trying to get better and avoid exposure to more stuff, and our stay with my parents was a little shorter than usual. Despite its unorthodox, at least for us, manner, it was still good to have the dinner with family and reflect on gratitude.

After getting back last night, we started our now annual post Thanksgiving tradition, Christmas decorating. This is to say that I generally stay out of the way while Jackie spends hours upon hours thinking and planning and turning the inside of our house to a warm Christmas glow. Such decorating continued today with us decorating our family Christmas tree together and having our own little Thanksgiving dinner with all the leftover turkey and dressing and such we received from family.

After the whirlwind, and despite the looming hectic work week, I sit here tonight in a very calm and peaceful mood. Our house glows with the lights and warmth of our decorations, which reflect the amount of care and passion Jackie puts into it, and makes the house feel like a sanctuary of love. Truly. As I write and sip on my Bailey's, I reflect on all that I have to be grateful for, and foremost of that is my family - not just Jackie and Ellie, but my parents and my sister's family, as well as Jackie's family in Fort Wayne. Each year, we get to spend time with people we love, and those who love us. Its a nice reminder that whatever may happen, and despite what geographical distances may be, we have people with us on this up and down journey of life.

Cause/Effect and Awareness

2010-11-23T22:13:00.000-05:00

This is something I have meant to write about before, but there is something from my weekly Bible Study that I see as a huge plus, and it has nothing to do with the Bible, per se. Each week, at the end of the session, we go around the table and lift prayer concerns. Some weeks there are more than others, and some weeks those concerns are more weighted than others. But I think that is my favorite part of the study, or at least what I see as the most beneficial thus far.

Now, I struggle with the concept of prayer, in particular the cause and effect of it. I'm doubtful as to the effect prayer can have on physical outcomes, and remain somewhat unsure of prayer's effect in a purely mental, emotional, or spiritual sense. But I know that many people take it very seriously, and thus I like to remain respectful of it. But what I do see as beneficial from prayer relates to my experiences with Buddhism, and the concept of awareness. Not a simple awareness of others (which this type of prayer can be great for - it helps you think of others as opposed to yourself when you have that list to go off of, and any time we can be less self-centric, that's a great thing), but in Buddhism its about awareness of connectedness.

When you pray for others, not only are you thinking about them, you are thinking about how you are connected to them. That's what you are praying - through some activity they have become part of your community, part of your life. When you say a prayer for thankfulness prior to dinner, its just not a prayer of thanksgiving to a God, its a recognition that creation was sacrificed for your nourishment - that you are connected to that creation. Prayer, I think, can help create that more comprehensive sense of awareness.

Back to the Bible Study, and its end round table of prayer. It always reminds me of this interconnectedness. It serves to remind that I belong to something outside of myself, greater than myself, and that others belong with me in that journey as well. I find that when I sit down to do my nightly/weekly reading, and I look at the notes on the prayer concerns, I have that reminder of my place in relation to others, and to creation. Its not just the avoidance of self-centric worldview that is always so easy to fall into, but a greater appreciation of where I came from, what I belong to, and my dependence on others and their dependence on me.

I still remain hesitant about the cause and effect as it relates to the contents of specific prayers. But I find that the general nature of prayer assists in causing greater awareness, and that, I think, is a very good effect.

continued progress

2010-11-14T15:44:00.002-05:00

I was looking at some of my blog posts from earlier this year, particularly dealing with weight loss. That was one of my big goals for 2010, and I used this blog as a motivating and accountable resource. I began the year by posting weekly updates. Eventually, as my workouts became more and more routine and any blog posts about them became less and less common. Reviewing, I haven't written a post addressing my weight loss progress since April.

Due to recent events in our lives, it has been more difficult to remain focused on this. In part, its been tough to keep the motivation going. The last two weeks I have only did my routine 3 days, as opposed to 5 or 6. In addition, my eating habits regressed. I understand that hiccups will happen along the road; but with a great workout this past Saturday, and a good motivating feel for the week ahead, I think the weakness, so to speak, of the last couple weeks is past.

Some things have changed about my routine. I used to just walk for 45 minutes, with a minute of light jogging every 5-7 minutes or so. Now, its walking with jogging mixed in every 2-3 minutes. In addition, I no longer worry about 45 minutes, I just go til I reach 2 miles, which is usually just above 30 minutes at this point. I then use the rest of my time to do a combination of weight resistance exercises. I think its a fairly balanced workout most days.

Anyway, when I started the process, I thought it would be great if I could lose 60 pounds this year, 5 pounds per month. It was a very ambitious goal, but I wanted to be constantly pushing myself towards something. While I may not make that goal (depending on how the last few weeks of the year goes, what with the holidays and all), I have lost 50 pounds this year. Soon, I will once again have to buy new clothes because the ones I have don't fit well - but now its because they are too big as opposed to being too small.

It's been a positive experience for me this year, to know that the hard work will yield results. I focused this year on remembering that it was a commitment of multiple years to get where I want to be, and I remain fixed on my ultimate goal. But so far, this year really couldn't have been too much better on this front. Here's hoping for a strong finish for this year, a good start to next year, and continued progress towards my ultimate goals.

journeys interrupted

2010-11-13T11:28:00.000-05:00

A little over three and a half years ago, in April of 2007, Jackie and I bought our current house. We had been in an apartment the two years prior, and were so excited to have our own space. Part of the important to us was the dream of having children and raising them in this house. After all, we bought a house that was bigger than our current needs; we have two additional bedrooms upstairs that stay empty, and we have been in probably less than 10 times. Its a lot of house for two people, and we bought with the hope and expectation that we would be adding people along the way.

Probably for the first year after the house purchase, our attempts for children were always timed; that is to say timed to try to arrange for a birth at a certain time of year so it would have the least amount of impact on Jackie's working schedule (i.e., during the summer when school was on break), and thus a minimal impact on our finances. Looking back at this year, I almost feel ashamed of the naivety and arrogance it required to think that such could be control. After a year or so of that, and growing impatient, we decided not to worry about such timing concerns, and just hope that it would happen as soon as possible.

After another year and a half with no luck - taking us to about the beginning of this year, we took the next logical steps. Soon, there was more medical appointments, and we probably became more aware of certain things then we ever really thought, and charting, the rise and fall of temperatures, etc. became a part of our lives in a big way. Not completely unrelated, these items went along naturally with out dual attempts this year to get healthier and lose weight (which has been successful, but that's another post). So the journey, which started over three years ago, continued this year, with disappointment and growing frustration constant companions.

Three and a half years can be a long time to try and hope for something with no results; it can warp the perspective one looks through, the lens that colors our worldview. It can take hope away. In large part, that's what most of this year felt like - a life of motions without hope, colored by the lens of disappointment. But things changed. On October 6, almost three and half years to the day of when we moved into our house, Jackie had a positive pregnancy test. I remember that morning as I had to leave for Indianapolis for a two day conference, and wouldn't be back until late Friday night. So after hearing such wonderful news, we were apart for a couple days - kind of putting the true joy on hold for a bit. But we had a wonderful embrace early that morning before Jackie left for work. An embrace where those frustrations and disappointments seemed to fade away, hope was restored, and joy was present.

We thought about what to do with the one room that would become a nursery - what furniture to buy, how to decorate it, and so on. We decided to cancel certain subscriptions and services, so we could have more money for all the costs of the future. We discussed names; we read applicable books; we were truly happy about what was to come. It seemed like things just fit...a due date at the end of the school year/beginning of the summer. Better than our own dreams.

As we all know, sometimes life doesn't work that way. We went to the doctor on October 26 to do the first ultrasound. The baby should have been around 8 weeks at that point - might even be able to see a heartbeat. The ultrasound showed the baby at 6 weeks. Two possibilities - not as for along as all the charting and dates would lead us to believe, or the baby stopped growing and it would simply be a matter of waiting for the miscarriage to happen. So we went back about a week later, November 3. That ultrasound confirmed that the baby had indeed stopped growing.

Suffice to say, its been a rough week and half or so around our house. All the highs we had in the first part of October were replaced with some pretty low lows. You have the statistics - 1 in 5 of all pregnancies end with a first trimester miscarriage; and the obvious statements - sometimes bad things happen, life's not always fair. All this is very true. But I think one of the truly maddening things about pain, is that truth is no comfort. In some sense, we have a hope that we didn't have over a month ago, because of our three year plus history of getting to this point. In others, that history can cloud one's lens and make it seem all the more cruel.

In a few months, we will be trying and hoping again. And should we be blessed again with a pregnancy, we will never have the joy that we had on October 6th. We will have nervousness, hesitancy, anxiety. Experience does that, it makes certain moments be something they shouldn't.

Jackie and I continue this journey together, attempting to avoid any sense of expectation, as well as any sense of despair. Simply hoping for no interruptions. Hoping.

"...hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." - The Shawshank Redemption.

Review: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

2010-11-11T10:43:00.006-05:00

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Good crime, suspense book. I have had several people tell me I should read these books, with differing opinions. Several didn't like the book, others did but felt the two newer ones weren't as good (which I have yet to read), and as I am always looking for stuff to read that doesn't cross my normal radar, I picked it up and started reading this one. I feel like its almost two books. The first half of the book kind of dragged along for me...there was a lot of story that really didn't seem to go anywhere, and really didn't enhance the plot or develop certain characters more. The second half of the book was, I thought, very gripping, fast paced, and made it so you didn't want to stop reading until you finished the book. Thus, I found the first 300 pages to be somewhat of a struggle to get through, and the second 300 to be a breeze. There's little tidbits in the book that I think shows some insight into differing attitudes that Sweden has culturally than the U.S., and that makes it interesting as well. Overall, despite the slow start for me, I enjoyed the read and thought it was a good crime thriller.

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Review: One More Train to Ride: The Underground World of Modern American Hoboes

2010-11-11T10:42:00.002-05:00

One More Train to Ride: The Underground World of Modern American Hoboes by Cliff Williams

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

A fun little book to read. Williams relays the stories of various men and women who continue to live as hoboes, the train-hoppers that started significantly during the great depression. Provides first rate insight into the philosophy these individuals carry, what motivates and attracts them to this lifestyle, and random tricks of the trade so to speak. A short book, but provides a nice glimpse into a lives that I think many of us forget even continue to exist.

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Review: The Bullpen Gospels: A Non-Prospect's Pursuit of the Major Leagues and the Meaning of Life

2010-10-28T14:56:00.002-04:00

The Bullpen Gospels: A Non-Prospect's Pursuit of the Major Leagues and the Meaning of Life by Dirk Hayhurst

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Great book about baseball, particularly because its a bottom-up book. I think its similar to what makes a good history book, it tells a story you have never heard, as crude and sad and bare as it might be. In this case, its about the player who is a commodity, the player who is often not even the infamous "player to be named later." Great insight into clubhouse culture, the meaning of life as it relates to chasing a dream, and a tremendous look into an individual's experiences in the minor leagues. Its not necessarily great writing, but its great story-telling. I would highly recommend to any baseball fans.

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Review: Never Let Me Go

2010-10-14T10:42:00.002-04:00

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

One of the best books I've read this year. Great storytelling, and so incredibly thought-provoking. The underlying truth or reality of the story is only hinted at throughout much of the novel, yet one can infer what's going on for the primary characters and the world or society in which they live. Without trying to give too much away, the novel will make you think critically about several things - how far should our medical technology go when attempting to cure diseases; what constitutes human life; is there a soul, who has it, how is it displayed; individuality versus social good or utility.

There are just so many things that the novel, once finished, will make you think about and relate to present issues in our modern world. And what I think is particularly great about the book is that it presents these issues, these ideas that are so easily drawn out from the work to think about, without providing a definite answer one way or the other. Great for thinking, great for discussion.

Like I said previously, one of the best books I've read this year, and I would recommend it to anyone.

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Review: Rising from the Rails: Pullman Porters and the Making of the Black Middle Class

2010-10-14T10:35:00.001-04:00

Rising from the Rails: Pullman Porters and the Making of the Black Middle Class by Larry Tye

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Really enjoyed this book. I thought it was well researched, particularly in light of the difficulty in finding living Pullman Porters and setting up opportunities for oral testimony/history with them. Its one of the particular joys of reading a history book when it covers something that is seemingly forgotten, and may only get a sentence, if that, in a normal history textbook. The transition of African-Americans who were slaves in the South to working on these luxury sleeping cars is fascinating, including everything from their status among themselves, with their individual communities, and as compared to larger society as well. The book doesn't sugarcoat the life, and while the story is amazing, its also a sad reminder that nothing better was available to these men because of the color of their skin. It was also interesting to read the impact the founding of the Porters' Union had on other labor movements, as well as the greater civil rights movement.

Fascinating read on a small segment of our history but a very important and impactful part of history. Worthy read.

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tithing and humility

2010-10-05T15:00:00.000-04:00

Another Bible Study last night, and a couple of the conversation threads stand out. First, we spent much of the night, maybe even half, discussing the concept of tithing. This has been difficult for me since joining a church again, not because I get upset about giving money, per se, but because I am aware that what I give is not the traditional tithe, and there's a tinge of guilt for not being able to do more. Obviously, some of the reasons why its not realistic for us to give more are self imposed from prior foolish decisions; but it also very much due to the downs of life and the situation we are in (note – college and grad school loans, and the mountain of debt the represent, is not one of those foolish decisions, but it obviously impacts one's ability to give). There was good discussion about what our attitude should be when doing so, as well as not limiting ourselves to the giving of money when we consider tithing. I don't consider it unreasonable (and probably consider it a very good idea) to give of our time, talents, and other non-monetary resources when considering the tithing idea. Ultimately, as I tend to avoid concrete requirements from the Bible (individual preference), I think it would be important to view things as a whole way of living, as opposed to a certain percentage we need to adhere about. That's the problem with requirements, in setting a base line, they often set a max line.

Some of the discussion was a bit more abstract, I think. It came up that “God” seems so present in the Old Testament stories, like he's on the ground with the Patriarchs, physically walking with them. This often leads to the idea of God was talking a lot then, but not a lot now (or, as the cliché answer goes, we aren't listening anymore). What I find interesting about this line is that, I think we limit ourselves again. For example, if God truly actually spoke to someone today, and that person tried to relay the story to others, about a new way, no one would believe (regardless of faith). We would reject it outright for the most part, relying on our religious books and words written 2,000 years ago. Ironically, this seems to be the very situation in which Christianity was founded, with an initial very few believers, and with the Jews of the day relying on their older (maybe 600 years old at the time) religious texts. Thus, if one is so inclined as a believer, one would have to admit that God has “changed” the covenant, the relationship, and has provided new “guidelines” for living and faith, at least once in the past (if one if Christian, from Judaism to Christianity). Thus, I would think that one would have to admit that it could happen again, that God could decide to “change” or “update” it again, due to our misinterpretation, our sinfulness, our whatever (does God truly need a reason?).

I have longed felt this as a possibility (as much as the explanation above actually makes any sense), but not because I find it to be true. Rather, I like it as a reminder. A reminder to keep humility in the faith journey as opposed to arrogance; a reminder to keep open my mind regarding new ways of seeing and seeking the divine; a reminder to do my best to avoid claiming that “I know” anything, as opposed to simply seeking.

On a personal level, I continue to find good for myself in participating in the study; while I find it a struggle at times to filter my thoughts appropriately, and filter them in an understandable way, its a struggle I want, and I believe it to be beneficial.

Review: The Art of Racing in the Rain

2010-09-30T14:45:00.001-04:00

The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This was the first book I've "read" by audiobook. It was tough at times, not because of the book itself, but because the book was so very interesting that it was difficult to wait for it to be read to me. Once I figured out how to incorporate it into other activities of my day, however, it became a real joy.

The book is told from the story of Enzo the dog, and he relays the ups and downs over a period of time of his master, Denny, along with Denny's wife, daughter, and extended family. Anyone who has a dog will find themselves laughing at certain comments made by Enzo, as he seems to speak for all of our furry friends. His perspective on things are certainly unique, but create an engaging story.

I think one will also find themselves touched by the novel; and reminded of how loyal and faithful our dogs (pets) are to us, and how they truly are part of our joy, and often carry us through our despair. I know it has made me feel even more appreciative of my dog, Ellie, and her pure joy as she careens across the kitchen floor to greet me each night I come home from work. And reading this story just makes we strive more to be a person worthy of such adoration from my dog.

It will make you laugh, may make you cry, and will definitely make you appreciate a pet's friendship. A worthy read.

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some thoughts on sin

2010-09-28T15:05:00.000-04:00

Another Bible Study last night, although I missed the first half due to a church finance committee meeting (still have yet to figure out how to be in two places at once, but I'm working on it). The overall theme this week was Sin, and in particular, the origin of sin and human nature as our readings are limited to the Old Testament at this juncture. Quick hit ideas:

I've always struggled with the story of “the Fall” in Genesis. In part, because I've seen it used to justify not seeking knowledge...as it was, allegedly, the act of eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil that leads to the banishment from Eden. It frustrates me, as, if we are called to seek to be like God, and God is all-knowing, we should seek to obtain more knowledge (with the understanding of our inherent limitations - which may be the sin, in this instance). In any event, I tend to focus on the part of the story where Adam and Eve do not take responsibility for their actions – Adam blames Eve, Eve blames the serpent, neither takes responsibility for their own choices. If the “first” sin was disobeying the instructions not to eat from that tree, then it would have to be compounded by the denial of its acceptance.
As a spin off of the above discussion, there was some thoughts and questions regarding the devil, as it seems popular interpretation is the serpent is the devil (although my reading of Genesis leaves that open to some interpretation, but that's a digression for another day). As I struggle even on my good days with the idea of God, the idea of a devil seems even more doubtful to me. Obviously, one hears the statement that “the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he doesn't exist.” Its a statement I strongly dislike for two reasons; first, its impossible to argue (in the philosophical, respectful sense) with someone who says this, because if you put forth argumentation against such existence, they simply quip this line, with no thinking or reasoning, and thus believe it must be true and you have obviously been duped. Its arrogant, and gives no credence to other ideas, and to the other arguments that could put forth in favor of that position. Second, I don't think its true. From religiously inclined folk, the devil is mentioned a lot. And, personally, if there is a devil, I would think the greatest trick is not convincing us of non-existence, but rather to blame him for everything wrong and evil instead of ourselves.
The rest of the discussion from the night (while I was there) dealt with more personal thoughts, trending towards the ideas of confession and repentance. I find there are always semantical/definitional issues that will never get addressed in this type of setting, at least to my liking; but that the openness of the group is a real strength, and hopefully that is representative of the church as a whole, both in sharing ideas, and accepting the ideas of others. Its all a journey.

Review: Liberty of Conscience: The Attack on America's Tradition of Religious Equality

2010-09-22T15:29:00.001-04:00

Liberty of Conscience: The Attack on America's Tradition of Religious Equality by Martha C. Nussbaum

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

A nice read, particularly for anyone interested in some of the more legal history surrounding the First Amendment's religious clauses and the dual protection of free exercise of one's religion and freedom from the government imposing a particular religion. I tend to do a fair amount of constitutional law work, particularly with the First Amendment, so there wasn't much in the book that surprised me, but its a definite read for anyone wanting to understand the legal history of the issues that are more often coming to the forefront of our modern political debates.

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Week 2 Bible Study

2010-09-21T10:02:00.001-04:00

Last night was my second night with the Disciple Bible Study program at church....the majority of our reading dealt with creation, beginning obviously with Genesis and then various readings from Psalms and Job that relate back to the Genesis creation story. Quick(ish) thoughts...

Our materials sought to stress the important of not taking the story literally. I have to admit, I was relieved by this. Lately I have encountered much of this, and have been amazed as I become increasingly aware of the hostility our country in general has as it regards not just evolutionary theory of species, but scientific theories and explanations for the origin and processes of the universe. It was interesting to hear people talk about how many of them weren't even exposed to the scientific ideas until high school, and how difficult it has been for them to move forward. I have never had a problem looking at the story figuratively (might be my Catholic background, among other reasons), and thus have no issue reconciling it with scientific theories on the universe and the evolution of species. Because of how much tension I have seen this cause in other circles of our society, it was nice to have an open, respectful discussion.

The theme for our week of reading was titled "Wonder." Similar to my reading I have discussed previously of Heschel's "God in Search of Man," the gist is having wonder at creation. What I find particularly interesting, both in Heschel's work and in many of the notes in the study bibles I have looked at, there seems to be an underlying suggestion that scientific discovery removes wonder from our world. I assume the thinking goes that having a scientific explanation for the setting sun, and how the hues of colors are reflected in the atmosphere somehow makes the beauty of the sunset less wondrous. I've never really understood this...for me, the more I learn about the natural world, and the complexity and intricacies and the expansiveness of it all, the more in awe of it I am. An interesting point in our discussion last night dealt with sharing a moment where one felt complete joy or peace or wonder at creation. Everybody's story dealt with a moment in nature. Mine, which I remember vividly as being a moment where I was just "WOW," was when I learned that 2 or 3 earths could fit inside Jupiter's large red spot storm. I have to be wired differently.

Our discussions on the concept of rest and the Sabbath were very interesting, particularly as we all have somewhat busy lives, with either work or kids (or both) making the idea of a strict, literal rest for an entire day seem impossible. I think the idea of taking time away from everything, to recenter and refresh with our spiritual selves is excellent, and is in no way limited to a day (this parlays back into the discussion of a literal translation of Genesis - was the earth created in six days?). Anyway, what I take is that we often get bogged down in details and the minutia of a "law" or "rule," or forget to live by the purpose.

We had a great discussion on our role as stewards of creation. I often feel that this is an overlooked part of the Genesis story, our responsibility to care for the world. We talked about being more conscientious about what we consume, to explore more recycling, the "doing" stuff that I really like in these conversations. I also think there is a relationship between how we interpret the creation story in Genesis and our ability to meet this charge. In order to better take care of this world, of creation, we must educate ourselves and become more knowledgeable about it, and our role and impact on it. For me, this requires us to explore science earnestly. Viewing the earth as 6,000 years old, based on a literal interpretation, in my opinion, does nothing to help us meet our charge.

Apart from the ideas we discuss, its been a good group. Its somewhat apparent to me that I have to be wired differently...others talk about "God" moments they've had in the past week or in their lives, and its not something I have ever had, and its not something I instinctively accept. But I don't doubt their genuineness and authenticity, so its very thought-provoking for me to observe. But I imagine it will be easier and easier for me to share my complete thoughts (always with an appropriate filter - I have my reasons) as the class progresses. As it is, with the nightly reading and notetaking, and a 2-hour-plus discussion setting reminds me how much I enjoy being a "student."

Unique Reactions

2010-09-16T16:42:00.000-04:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking today about the differing way people read, interpret, or react to things. I read a story that a friend shared and had what I would described as a somewhat disagreeable reaction to it; meaning, I significantly disagreed with what I interpreted to be the message of the article, on various levels, but was also uncertain as to my interpretation because the story was shared by a good friend, and one I considered eminently reasonable. So after my small reaction and some back and forth discussion, it was obvious that his interpretation of the article was substantially different than mine, and thus his purpose for sharing the article. While I could see his interpretation, I became more convinced, so to speak, of my own interpretation. Not necessarily of its rightness and the wrongness of all others (I try to avoid thinking in such a dichotomy), but just that I felt that my interpretation was reasonable (which is what I strive for).

All this gets me to thinking about how difficult it has to be to discuss weighty topics, when people's genuinely reasonable reactions are different. For the example with my friend, our interpretation weren't necessarily completely opposite of one another, but they were very, very, very different. I believe my reaction and interpretation to be genuine and reasonable; and I have no doubt that my friend's reaction was also genuine and reasonable.

Its a gentle reminder (at least to me) that everybody truly is unique, right down to the genuine reactions and interpretations from little things like sports and music to heavy things like politics and religion. Remembering that, and avoiding negative assumptions, is part of the key to having respectful discussions of such topics, whatever their seriousness, and overcoming one of the challenges or obstacles our uniqueness can provide to community.

This is Surprising

2010-09-15T16:22:00.001-04:00

I never imagined that I would join a Bible Study, but I have. I have signed up, and already attended the first session, of the Disciple Bible Study program offered through my church. And not only is a Bible Study, but its one that last 34 weeks, and has reading assignments each and every day. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to take it slow to see if its something I could handle, but its all in now I guess.

To explain, I have no issue with studying the Bible. Through high school and college (both Catholic schools), I had the opportunity to essentially read the Bible in its entirety twice, with one time focusing on the history surrounding the time period of its writing, and the other surrounding the philosophical/theological ideas proposed through the course of the text. But my anxiety stems from the fact that at the moment, and for the past couple of months ago, my naturally doubting personality has tended to take more control than usual over my thoughts and my analysis when it comes to matters of belief and faith. At times, this can result in more cynicism than I would like. So, when it comes to this study, I was interested in giving it a go – for a variety of reasons – but always had the nagging voice in my head that my mind wasn't in the best place to approach this study; that my reactions would be too cynical, too harsh, too destructive, for others in the study, and for me, and for Jackie.

Despite this, I signed up. I wanted to do something of a studying nature – the part of me that never tires of being a student, or reading, writing notes, reflecting was just jumping at the opportunity. In addition, the church was offering something different. For lack of better wording, it was offering a “ministry” that was more academic or grounded (never sure of the right word to use) than the usual stuff of singing, etc. I was drawn to the level of commitment – nightly reading and 34 weeks of weekly classes, for 2 to 2 ½ hours. It's the type of thing I have talked about with Jackie often, about the need for churches to expand their offerings to reach different types of people. I couldn't very well say no to this and continue my thinking along those lines – it was something I needed to support.

And thus, this past Monday night, I was at our first class. I've done reading for the past week and a half, on the schedule provided for in the program. Despite the simple joy I get from being in a “class” setting again, and the process of reading and note taking that I often miss, I still have that nagging voice about tempering my approach. Its a delicate balance - I am who I am (?) so to speak, meaning that I am a doubtful person, it helps in various tasks of my profession, and the scrutiny that personality tick causes me to use has served me well in my past educational studies. But I find it often difficult to achieve a balance with that doubt, or a filter to temper the cynical nature that it can manifest itself as. Thus, trying to achieve between fully being myself, and fully participating in this study, yet doing so in nature that controls some of my more destructive and, in my own personal truth, useless statements.

Cynicism, I find, it sometimes warranted. In this situation, I do genuinely hope that I can convey the doubt without the cynicism. Its important to me to do that, so I can better be that person I want to be, and assess how that person fits into my “church” world. Also, it helps me to better assess that church, and my doubtful, crazy self fits in, if at all. So I approach it with excited trepidation, nervous hope, etc. I may even feel compelled to write out some of my notes here, perhaps to share, perhaps to get it out of my system before the next Monday. But either way, I imagine the process will be interesting for me internally, and will hopefully yield great opportunity for increased knowledge and awareness, and maybe even understanding and some faith along the way.

Book Thoughts: Children of Dust

2010-08-14T17:56:00.001-04:00

Children of Dust: A Memoir of Pakistan by Ali Eteraz

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The book is truly written in memoir fashion, taking the reader from the author's young years in Pakistan to his teenage years in America (primarily Alabama) and some of his young adult travels involving college and work, including a trip back to Pakistan. Initially, it was difficult (for me) to get into the book as each chapter was somewhat of a short disjointed snippet, each relaying a seemingly random experience. It tends to come together as it approaches the middle and end, where those quick snippets into the author's mind assists in understanding the impact of later events. Thus, after a slow start, it picks up and becomes an informative read to an individual's experience with Islam.

There were a couple things I found noteworthy while reading it. First, while Eteraz didn't start this way, for awhile he become a conservative or fundamentalist practitioner of Islam. I think too often, at least in representations in the media and simply in general conversation, we tend to associate fundamentalist Islam with terrorism (I understand many who associate any Islam with terrorism, but that's a whole other issue). What's interesting is that while he was practicing his religion in this fashion, observing strictly the ideas regarding diet, dress, roles for men and women, etc., the September 11 attacks happened; and the author was abhorred by it. Its good to remember that conservative/fundamentalist Islam is not much different (in certain ways) then conservative or fundamentalist Christianity. They provide for strict adherence to (even in a literal sense) to their respective scripture, tend to call for "traditional" roles regarding men and women, and have similar views on various "social" issues, homosexuality for example. Thus, when an individual, who happens to be practicing a fundamentalist version of Christianity, murders a doctor who performs abortion, or commits any act of violence, we shouldn't thrust that act onto the religion. We tend to avoid using the language of terrorist when the perpetrator is Christian, and reserve it for use in cases where the persons happens to be Islam. Throughout reading the book, I found it a useful reminder that a person that commits such atrocity should be defined first by that act, not by their happenstance chosen religion. This is tending to become a larger digression than I intended, but with certain current debates (i.e., the Islamic Center near Ground Zero), it has been in my consciousness while reading this book.

Second, was the similar reaction from people in the author's background and many of today's Christians towards science. I do not personally understand the fear or apprehension (not sure of the right word) that certain religious tradition has towards the scientific discovery and explanation of our natural world. I would suppose that is has something to deal with in the past that religion has venture to explain the going ons and occurrences in nature, and now science, in many cases, has presented conflicting conclusions; and people refuse to leave their authority of their religion, as they would be unsure of what that would mean, for them, and the religion. But that's purely my speculation; I just wanted to note that I find the similar reaction to those issues among Islam and Christianity to point to similar religions tradition, history, and development than one might realize at first glance.

In any event, after kind of a slow beginning for me, the book read very well, and is thought-provoking and provides an opportunity for reflection considering the ever increasing contact between differing religions and differing religious people.

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Book Thoughts: Middlesex

2010-08-08T17:13:00.001-04:00

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Finally finished reading “Middlesex” over the weekend. Its been a book that has been on my radar for awhile, but it always seemed like I was caught in reading other things. Then, when I finally got around to it, I had a ton of reading to do at work, which made my progress through the book slower than I would have liked. But, good things spring from perseverance, and I am glad to have finally read this book. The novel has so many differing angles to it that its one I could easily imagine being taught in freshman college classes, yielding great discussion.

The book is written in memoir fashion by one of the more engaging narrators in contemporary literature, Cal Stephanides, a 41 year old hermaphrodite who was raised as a girl, Calliope. The book progresses from Cal's grandparents in their village in Greece/Turkey in the early 1920s and their journey to America, and the secret that haunts their family's history. They move to Detroit, so the reader gets glimpses of prohibition, the Depression and World War II, the boom of the 50s, the race riots and white flight of the 60s; all as a background to the incredible journey of self-discovery undertaken by the narrator, who was born in 1960.

As the book covers so much ground, there is much it causes its reader to reflect upon. The immigrant experience – the motives behind immigration; the fear and exhilaration experienced throughout the process; the assimilating into a new culture without forgetting the old; the challenge, prejudice, and discrimination faced; and finally, whether the dream achieved is truly the dream realized. As with any book that spans the 1960s, there's time to consider the effect the social upheaval had on individual families; the pain caused to parents and their children in attempting to find one another despite vehement disagreements over government policy and social mores.

Personally, the most fascinating aspect of the book was the opportunity to reflect on the gender stereotypes we have in society, how they are formed and cultivated, how they effect a child's perspective of the world, and how they effect the ability of a mother and a father to address those stereotypes, one way or the other, in their own child. The book presents the old nature versus nurture debate that was so popular before the current wave of evolutionary biology started changing so many ideas. Outside of inherent biology, what differences are brought about in males and females as a result of culture, as a result of rearing? Can culture (nurture) completely override nature, or is nature always triumphant in such a battle? Why do we maintain specific ideas about the role of gender, and are those ideas helpful or a hindrance?

All this and more comes to my mind throughout the reading of the narrator's journey from Calliope to Cal. The book is thoughtful, insightful, and extremely well written. In a way, it almost feels sad to be finished; it leaves you wanting to get to know Cal better and understand even more his complex personal identity history.

View all my reviews >>

science and mystery

2010-07-15T16:21:00.001-04:00

Another random reflection from reading Heschel's "God in Search of Man".....

Heschel argues that God is beyond our knowledge (citing Job 36:26), which makes me wonder why are we supposed to search if it is beyond our reach...is it our calling to pursue an unattainable goal? Later, Heschel seems to confirm this by providing the statement “do not seek, nor search after what is hidden from you.” It appears that Heschel is taking the stance that we shouldn't look for answers through our faculties of reason and science (he uses the term nature), providing we must have faith in God and not faith in nature. In so doing, he considers the two irreconcilable - “for worship and ritual imply ability to address ourselves to God – an implication that cannot be integrated into a system of pure naturalism – and are only meaningful as a mystery we are convinced of, without being able to analyze it or to submit it to experiment.” (p.62-63).

Frankly, I disagree with Heschel's line of thought here. I know religion appears to ask of us to accept without questioning...but the reality is, to do so is to betray our human nature and the gift of reason we possess (and notably, other animals do not). Accepting without questioning, in all situations but particularly religious ones, have led to atrocities of all kinds throughout history. For whatever reason, and somewhat disappointedly, Heschel seems to react to science and reason as if it threatens his beliefs (and maybe they do, but depending on what the challenge is, it should be listened to and considered, because it contains the possibility of being right). I think Heschel's misstep here is to assume that knowledge of the world that we gain through reason and science somehow removes the mystery and wonder. Its a mistake that I think is made often, but I don't believe that the removal of the ignorance necessarily results in removal of the mystery and wonder.

I also think this line of thought from Heschel reveals another flaw (or at least I would designate it as a flaw). Science and reason through the years have shown us that many of our ideas about our natural world are flawed...from things such as the Earth being flat, to the Earth being the center of the universe, to nothing being smaller than the atom, etc. I believe most people of a reasonable disposition would note these improvements in our knowledge and the removal of the veil of ignorance it represents as a positive thing. Heschel (and much of a religion for that matter) seems to move in the opposite direction. Heschel seems to push for our understanding of the divine as the biblical man does...which does not just include faith in a benevolent super-being, but attributing to God specific acts of nature. Heschel, and he is not alone, seem to argue that our understanding of God and the divine was never more perfect (or more right) than it was 2,000, 3,000, 4,000 years ago. It seems odd...our knowledge and understanding in all other fields of study, be it not just physical science, but medicine, law, philosophy, and technology has evolved and grown over the years. Most would consider that a good thing. Yet, new thoughts on theology, thoughts that would have evolved from previous generations and takes into consideration the new knowledge we have acquired as a species over the years, are often treated with disdain and dismissed as heretical.

I believe it stems from being threatened, and people believing like Heschel, that removing the ignorance we have towards our world results in the removal of our awe and wonder at it. But is that really the case?

Buffalo

2010-07-13T10:36:00.026-04:00

This past weekend, I took Friday off and Jackie and I headed to Buffalo, NY to visit a friend who is completing her medical residency out there. After dropping Ellie off at the boarder (always difficult for us), we started the roughly 7 and 1/2 hour trek across I-80/90 and Ohio and Pennsylvania to Western New York. The drive out was somewhat marred by the intense amount of rain we had to drive through, making us worried about our evening plans to see a Buffalo Bison game (the local Triple A baseball team). Once we got to Buffalo, the rain had stopped, so we were hopeful.

After some down time after our arrival, we headed out with our friend and impromptu tour guide (the friend, Angela, is the perfect person to have to take you around a City you don't know) and went to the Anchor Bar, the place where the famous Buffalo Chicken Wing started (I can now say that I have ate buffalo wings where they were "created" and fettucine alfredo where it was created - pretty cool). So after enjoying some pizza and wings (and the wings were simply awesome) we headed out to the ballpark hoping to catch the game (or at least I was hoping). The start of the game was delayed when we got there, so we walked around the stadium and eventually went to the gift shop so I could purchase a baseball with the Bison logo on it (I sort of have a thing for collecting minor league baseballs, particularly for ones where I have been to their park/stadium). Unfortunately, while I successfully added to my collection of minor league baseballs and saw another stadium, it had rained too much during the day to get the field in suitable playing conditions, and the game was called. It was a fireworks night, so the team had their off field entertainment do some bits for awhile until it got dark and fireworks were set off for those that stuck around. It was a bit disappointing, but I love seeing ballparks, just enjoy being in them, regardless if a game is being played or not; and it was some good time to chat and catch up with our friend.

It was a long and good day Friday; Saturday, however, will remain one of the better days I can ever remember. In the morning we headed to Canada to see Niagara Falls from the Canadian side. I believe I have seen the Falls before, but just kind of a passing through sort of way, I think; in any event, can't really remember so if I have, it was a while ago. I love watching water, and the Falls are very impressive. And I may in the minority, but I love big tourists sites like that; I love watching and observing all the different types of people it attracts...the communal/universal aspect of the joy and wonder is appealing.

Anyway, after the Falls we drove a bit north to a small town called Niagara on the Lake. It took us awhile to find the place (the joys of navigating), but it is a very cute town with lots of eclectic little shops and interesting cafes. We sat down outside (just gorgeous weather on Saturday) at a small restaurant, enjoyed some good food, and planned the rest of the day. As we left the town, we decided to stop at a couple of the wineries we noticed on our way up (there were a lot - never knew the Niagara areas was such a wine area). We stopped at two wineries, the first was Inniskillen. We wanted to try some Ice Wine there, but that particularly tasting was packed, so we did some normal wine tasting (a first for Jackie). Jackie found a nice Riesling wine she liked, while I tried a Pinot Noir Rose wine that was delicious. We left with a bottle of each.

Further down the road we found another winery, called the Ice House. This place was less busy (although it got busier after we got there). The place specialized in ice wine, and we tried not only one sample of the ice wine, but a ice wine slushy. I wish I could do it justice as to how good it was...you obviously would have to like a sweeter wine (which I do), but both were fabulous. They must have saw us coming because they had a special of buy the special wine of the day, and you got another year of that wine for free. So obviously we took advantage of that and departed, heading back to the States with 4 bottles of wine. Both wineries were a ton of fun, we each learned a little bit about our wine, and we obviously fell in love with the Ice Wine. We've already committed that we will have to go back just to get some more.

We had decided earlier that we were going to be "fancy" that night and would eat at Brasa: Brazilian Steakhouse in Niagara and then go to the casino. The link explains much about the dining experience at Brasa; it is truly unique and the food (and wine) was delicious (menu). In particular, the grilled pineapple glazed with brown sugar was out of this world...literally melting right on your tongue. After enjoying excellent food and drink, we headed down to the Falls one last time to seem them lit up at night (truly spectacular) and then headed to the casino for awhile. I don't gamble, but it's always nice to walk around and again observe all the types of people it brings together. Jackie and Angela had a lot fun.

Eventually, we couldn't pack anything more into Saturday and we headed back to our friend's place, exhausted from a great day and knowing that we had to get up and start the drive back home (and reassure Ellie that we do indeed, always come back for her). It was a short, quick trip, but one we both enjoyed thoroughly, and as we dream this week of taking a longer vacation there (a week maybe), we realize how much fun and how relaxing it truly was, and how big of an impression our short time there made.

A. Great. Trip.

Humility and Arrogance

2010-07-09T13:00:00.000-04:00

As I continue to make my way through Heschel's "God in Search of Man," I continue to stumble upon thought-provoking nuggets.

First, "Wisdom is beyond our reach. We are unable to attain insight into the ultimate meaning and purpose of things." (p.54). Then, "The deeper we search the nearer we arrive at knowing that we do not know." (p. 57).

I've always been partial to this type of thinking, believing that the more we come to know the more we realize we will never know. As human beings, our knowledge is limited. We would be best to remember our limitations. As I have learned more and more about the oil spill in the Gulf, I see it more and more as the result of human arrogance. From BP to the government, there seemed to be little concern of our ability to control nature, little concern over our ability to predict any catastrophe, thereby making it easy to address and resolve. If the length of that disaster (2 and a half months and counting), and even the recent storms and tornadoes here in north central Indiana, teach us anything it should be that we should express a bit more humility towards nature, and more respect for its power.

Obviously, Heschel, in speaking in terms of Judaic Philosophy, is not concerned with humility in the face of nature's power. But the lesson of humility continues to be stressed. Once we come to grips with the limitations on our knowledge and ability to understand all, we can experience the divine in a more free way; free of how our limited conceptions may restrain and diminish unnecessarily.

"The world is something we apprehend but cannot comprehend." (p. 58).

Finding Wonder

2010-07-07T14:57:00.002-04:00

I'm in the process of slowly digging myself through "God in Search of Man" by Abraham Heschel. I'm probably only 10% into it so far and can tell its going to be a great book for reflection and writing. It will always be the first book that I ever wrote in, as I found some of the thoughts in it so evocative that I had to jot down down some reflections as I was reading.

Heschel's chapter on Wonder, in the spiritual sense, is particularly powerful. Any student of philosophy is familiar with Socrates' saying, "The unexamined life is not worth living." Heschel adds his own corollary, providing that "[t]he beginning of our happiness lies in the understanding that life without wonder is not worth living." (p.46). Heschel's wonder is not simply wonder or amazement at all the things we can explain, but rather that there are things at all. He urges us to see the "continual marvels" of daily life, encouraging us to look beyond the routine by realizing there "is no worship, no music, no love, if we take for granted the blessings or defeats of living." (p. 49). Rather, we should be seeking "... to experience commonplace deeds as spiritual adventures...." (p. 49).

For Heschel, it comes back to the Jewish God, succinctly stated from the Book of Job 37:14b "Stand still and consider the wondrous works of the Lord." These works don't just include the majesty of mountains and nature, but all things of existence, simply because its existing.

Be filled with awe and wonder at the very fact of existence. What would change if we lived like that each moment of every day?

Tennyson - Crossing the Bar

2010-06-24T23:53:00.003-04:00

Alfred Lord Tennyson's Crossing the Bar

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea.

But such tide as moving falls asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home!

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For though from our our bourn of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
when I have crost the bar.

Such great poetry.

Book Thoughts: Twilight & New Moon

2010-06-22T14:23:00.003-04:00

I've had a good friend in the recent weeks persist in persuading me to read the Twilight series from Stephanie Meyer. As the book, from the random things you hear about it due to its popularity, seemed primarily geared towards teenagers, I never considered it. As my friend tried to convince me, I initially demurred as I learned it was somewhat of a romantic story, and I have never really read nor been interested in those types of story lines. But my friend persisted, and because I never wish to consider myself "too good" to read a book, or any other form of pretentious, and made the offhand comment that maybe if it was free, I would read it, thinking I could randomly pick it from a library at some point. Well, a couple days later, I received a used copy of the book (Twilight), and was thus out of any reason not to give the book a shot. Again, I never want to reject a book because I think its beneath me (or anything similar), so I now had to read the book. And due to continued persuasion from my friend, I also read the second installment, New Moon.

Its a fairly simple book and plot, and I don't mean that in any demeaning way. I tend to break books down into broad categories, one of which I always refer to as glorified movie scripts. I would put Twilight and New Moon into this category, but I also put The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown, that I am currently reading, into that category, as well as the many books I've read by Steve Berry, John Grisham, Tom Clancy, etc. The books are all action/mystery/suspense, and provide entertainment, but often don't provide much beyond that. Which is fine, I believe they are intended for entertainment, so they serve their purpose, and I enjoy them. These two books are the same for the most part, there's not particularly great depth to the plot or the vast majority of the characters, but it tells a story that is intended to be entertaining, and does so.

Two primary things I noticed while reading them deal primarily in comparing them to these other books I've read. The Brown/Grisham/Berry books tend to be very action/suspense based, meaning the pace of the novel quickens to resolve the primary crisis of the book, and its easy to see the plot always moving forward because of the necessary action taking place. With Twilight and New Moon, because I was generally more interested in how the world of the vampire/werewolf characters were structured, I felt that at times, the plot was slow. Reflecting now, I think it has more to do that the book is truly centered on the relationship of its two main characters, so it is necessary for it continue to examine that; which is moving the story forward, but doesn't provide the action I tend to be used to when reading these types of books.

Second, its been several books since I've read a piece of fiction that was written from the first person perspective. Most of them are from the third person omniscient point of view, and it took awhile for me to adjust to that storytelling aspect. I needed to remind myself that the story that I get when reading, therefore, is filtered based on the one character; thus, the view of other characters may not be reality, thereby allowing their future decisions to be more surprising than normal. Truly, I have been so used to the third person in fiction that it was a bit jarring to read something through such a limited filter. Its neither positive or negative, but it made reading the books a bit different.

I mentioned that book is fairly simple in its plot; I think the focus on it is in the relationship of the two primary characters, and then the "other" interest that comes in as a source of tension; think Romeo, Juliet, and Paris; or King Arthur, Guinevere, and Lancelot. The relationships also have additional sources of tension due to some being humans, others vampires, and others werewolves. But unlike Harry Potter where the world of magic is so detailed that it becomes its own character in a way, in these books the fantasy is not as detailed, and is truly secondary to the relationships themselves; they are more personality traits of the particular character than a focus of the books.

With all this said, I did enjoy reading the books...it had been a couple months since I'd read a more light-hearted/easier read, and it reminds me that its nice to sprinkle those in a bit more frequently. As I've read the first two, I imagine I will read the last two at some point (can't leave a story unfinished). I continue to believe that I should never refuse to read a book; if I start it and don't like after a quarter of the way in, perhaps that's a different story. But part of what I enjoy about the Book Club at the local library that I participate in, and when I get random recommendations (or books in the mail) from friends, is that I end up reading things I would never have picked out on my own; and I love the expansion of my horizons, the goal of reading a wide variety of books is constant. After all, there is a lot of good books out there, and if I only read ones that I find, I'm missing a whole lot.

Book Thoughts: Walking the Bible

2010-06-20T21:55:00.004-04:00

Walking the Bible by Bruce Feiler

I actually finished this book a few weeks ago, but just haven't had the time to sit down and really compose my thoughts about it. I have already had several posts from various reflections reading the book, which can be found here, here, here, and here. Needless to say, I found book to provide great material for reflection.

The book itself follows the author's Bruce Feiler journey as he seeks to retrace the steps of the first five books of the Old Testament/The Torah/Bible. Thus, his journey starts in Turkey discussing Noak and the Ark, and then journeys to various locales in the modern Middle East that correspond to historical places believed to be traveled by Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, and Moses. Thus, the journeys range from ancient Mesopotamia down to Egypt, and then across the desert to modern day Jordan and Israel. As one learns about the scriptures related to this place, you also read about the modern culture and politics that affect any such venture into the Middle East. As such, the book is not only is thought provoking regarding the Bible, its history, and the relationships between the human and divine as well as religion and land, but it is also revealing into the modern issues facing the region today.

The book, as evidenced from the many posts I shared as I was reading, invoked many personal reflections. It continues to give me a sense of amazement the level of faith expressed by the individuals in the Bible, from Abraham to Joseph to Moses. But the lasting impact I take from the book is the sense of relationship that permeates all of its discussion. The author frequently talks of the journey as exploring the relationship between the religion of Judaism and the land; and what that discussion leads to is an exploration into the relationship between the Israelites and their God, and by extension, between us and our God. Many books that I have read about religion and faith, and the history and development of the same, eventually evolves into a review of the central tenets of the particular faith. This books stands out for the absence of such a discussion, and the focus on relationships. You leave the book viewing the relationship between the Israelites and their God, as described as the Bible, as very much of a familial relationship. While it seems that a parent-child relationship is an oft used analogy to describe such a relationship, it often seems to me to be an oversimplification. By not putting such specific roles into the relationship, simply noting it as a family relationship, I think it captures the complexities involved in the relationship.

I found the book incredibly thought provoking, and would encourage it for anyone interested in understanding the the journey discussed in Genesis through Numbers a little better. In addition, the focus of the book in viewing the relationship rather than the concepts or ideas of a particular faith, I found to be particularly helpful to my own personal reflections.

Camping Trip 2010

2010-06-20T14:56:00.007-04:00

As it is somewhat of an annual tradition with my family, this past week Jackie and I headed up to Pentwater, Michigan for my family's camping excursion. Neither or us are particularly "fond" of camping (specifically, sleeping in a tent, at times, questionable washroom facilities), but its an excellent opportunity to spend with family; which for us, as we live a couple hours away, is always nice. The campground we stay at has good facilities, and by going during the week it cuts down on the people traffic, making those facilities nicer. However, there is no such control over what Mother Nature decides to brew up, as we would find out. This year was a bit different, as my sister and brother-in-law were unable to make it due to my sister being on bedrest (due in July, been a long road for her, but soon a little baby girl will be joining the family). But we were joined by not only my parents but our 2 year old nephew, Gavin.

There are kind of three things/themes I take away from the week. First, is how nice it was to spend the extra time with Gavin. We had the whole week, and discovered how much energy the little guy has. We went for many walks with him, some when he was walking and some when he was riding his little bike. We also had fun swimming with him on the final day at the campground. It was nice to get to know the little guy better, from blowing bubbles to reading Curious George (which was more of playing "Where's Waldo/George", but still lots of fun).

Second, is how, after a year of saying it can't happen two years in a row (referring to being washed out of our tent by the rain, see this post), it happened again. The second night of the trip, it started raining at around 7 and then continued all night until about 3 or so in the morning. And raining hard. When it started, we looked at our tent and could see the water already leaking in; so, in an improvement from last year, I was able to rearrange all the stuff packed in our Sportage so that we could put the seats down and least have a place to lay down. So we accomplished that and caught a few winks before morning. The tent again had standing water, but unlike the previous year, we did not have particularly sunny weather, making drying out the tent more difficult. We managed in the tent for the next night, although we did have to deal with the zipper breaking and attempting to fix it by flashlight in the middle of the night so we could ge

t out. The final night of the trip a small storm rolled through and brought some more rain. The tent once again started leaking, and brought us to the end of our rope for that particular tent. It now resides (or did) in the campground dumpster. It will be a new tent for next year. And for next year, we will be saying that it can't possibly happen three years in a row.

In any event, on the final day of the trip, we had the gorgeous weather a vacation deserves, and packed a ton into that day. We ate at our favorite Pentwater spot, The Village Cafe; we walked along the pier on Lake Michigan with Ellie; did much swimming at the campground; and then headed up to a small beach that allows dogs right on Lake Michigan to watch the sunset. Its these memories that must be remembered as opposed to the rain, or at least remembered with it to always remind us of how wonderful the annual trip to Pentwater can be.

So, despite the second straight year of a rain disaster and the trashing of our tent, the time with family, and some of the rituals we have associated with the trip make it a worthwhile trip.

Spiritual Evolution

2010-05-30T23:47:00.003-04:00

From "Walking the Bible", page 335

. . . there is a physical world and a spiritual world, and I am saddened that our perception of the spiritual world is very primitive. It hasn't evolved at the same rate as our perception of the physical world. - David Faiman

I find that science, and our relationship with the world around us, tends to look forward. The next great discovery, the next way to adapt our environment, or to adapt to our environment; the next step in using energy better, in protecting the environment more, the next great medicine. Its always discussing the future, and things to come. I'm not sure if I would use the word primitive, but religion and spirituality seems, at least in some level of individual perception, is to look backward in time. Its attempting to find a relationship with a God that is described, through stories and doctrine, years upon years ago. Its looking for a relationship with the divine as that divine is defined by individuals writing anywhere from over a thousand years to three thousand years ago, depending on the particular religious tradition.

Again, not sure I would describe this as primitive, but I do find parts of it troubling. In particular, I have always thought that such perspective tends to (not inherently) lead people to only focus on the past. To only think that the divine talked and communicated with prophets and communities in ancient history, and not today. In so doing, when we look at other products of ancient civilization, and how misinformed or ignorant or misguided or barbaric it might have been, it allows us to distrust the spirituality that comes from the ancient world as well. At some point, it seems we have failed to evolve our understanding of spirituality in the same way that our understanding of science and nature has evolve significantly over the last few hundred years. Its curious to ask why and attempt to understand the answers.

But mostly, why have so many of us believe that the communication between the human and the divine, that takes place so frequently in all ancient civilizations spanning thousands of years; that is documented so frequently across the globe and across time in the ancient world, stopped. A cynical and quick response might be that people outgrew such superstitions, or that truth did not need to be expanded upon, or people aren't spiritual anymore. I'm sure these responses have kernels of validity that make them appealing to people. I tend to think they're a tad over-simplistic. I think there's something to our failure to evolve our understanding of the spiritual world, and our general perception of all things spiritual.

How do we explore and take an evolutionary step in our spiritual world.

moments on a journey

2010-05-17T10:09:00.002-04:00

Again, from Bruce Feiler's Walking the Bible,

...maybe it was the appreciation at having made that discovery [not viewing Egypt as the enemy in the Bible, but just another player, or actor as it were]; maybe it was the sense that I had touched the two outer wings of the biblical narrative and was now on my way to the desert core, the place where the people finally receive their blessing; or maybe it was relief at having persevered through a trying day (and the antagonism of Ahmed and Yasser), but as I sat on the water that afternoon, listening to the gulls, smelling the salt, I felt something inside of me suddenly open up that I didn't know was closed. I felt a quiet snap of release, like a door clicking open in the middle of the night, beckoning me to a place I'd always been afraid to go.

p. 195.

Its obvious that the author, as he travels and attempts to experience the world of the Bible, and particular the early travails and journeys of the Israelites, begins to reconnect with his personal faith; the journey genuinely affects him. I would think it difficult to read this book (only halfway through or so myself), and not see the shift in writing that takes place, the subtle changes in tone, the increases references to God, and faith, as opposed to strict history or archaeology.

What interests me about the selection above is the last couple lines. A place inside opening that you didn't know exists; a open door beckoning to a place always afraid to go...in my mind, I imagine this to be what a moment of faith feels like. That moment when something deep inside makes some Truth known to you, regardless if its provable, or even accepted as true to others. I've wondered about this in past years, personally, if I would ever have such a feeling, such a moment when it comes to matters of faith in the divine; reaching that point where, authentically and genuinely, its "belief" as opposed to "want to believe."

Maybe that's a high standard, maybe its an unrealistic barometer, I'm not sure. But I do know that this description, for me, nails it when it comes to love. Almost precisely, this is the feeling I had, and continue to have, from the beginning of my relationship with Jackie. And love, like God, is not something provable...and thus, also requires a certain element of faith, I think...

Book Thoughts: The Light of Evening

2010-05-12T09:16:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I finished Edna O'Brien's The Light of Evening, the last book in our local library's book club series on Ireland. O'Brien is a bit of a trailblazer for Irish authors, and is often credited with paving the way for many of today's current Irish novelists. However, O'Brien is still writing, with The Light of Evening published in 2006, and other novels published since.

The book itself centers on relationships, and in particular, mother-daughter relationships. The pivotal character is a women named Dilly, and it is her relationships with her mother, Bridget, and her daughter, Eleanora, that provide the emotional center of the novel. Dilly leaves Ireland when she is about 20 or so for New York; eventually however, she decides to return to Ireland after finding America, and its immigrant life in the 1920s, not to be the promise she was hoping for. Later, her daugher, Eleanora, leaves home and becomes a writer in London; however, she never returns home. There is obviously much more to the novel than that, but I think that captures the underlying conflict that permeates the novel. On one level, it can be interpreted as a child who, by deciding not to follow the same decision as the parent, repudiates the parent's decision. I think it plays out similar to a child deciding that they do not want to follow in the family business, whatever that business may be.

But O'Brien's exploration of the mother-daughter relationship (and by extension, the generic parent-child relationship), is much deeper, and I think its impossible to read this book, as a grown child, and not gain some appreciation for a parent's perspective. I would be very interested in reading this book again whenever I have kids, to see how it hits then. In any event, an underlying point that O'Brien seems to be making is that at the core of every genuine parent-child relationship is a simple truth that inherently puts strain on that relationship. For the parent, that child is the most important thing in the parent's life; generally, for the child, the parent will never be the most important thing. O'Brien seems to suggest that the parent's ability to let go, and the child's ability to understand and recognize this inherent difference, is vital to moving the relationship forward.

Its a very thought-provoking book, one that will make you examine the structure of your relationship with your parents, and any children. While is took me awhile to get into the language and writing style used by O'Brien (very Joycian), it seems to grow on you, whereby halfway through the novel her prose seems to be very poetic, very musical. The novel provides an excellent description of immigrant tenement life in New York city in the 1920s, including the journey over and the coexisting joy and despair of immigrants coming through Ellis Island. It also provides great insight into small village culture in western Ireland. I find it rare that a book can combine authentic glimpses of history and struggle, as well as give insight and thought into the emotional underpinnings of relationships. O'Brien's novel accomplishes that, I think, and thus it was a highly enjoyable read.

Small Town Big City

2010-05-06T18:46:00.002-04:00

I have lived in Middlebury for going on three years now, and at times adjusting to life in a small town has its challenges. Things close early, and I mean early. We have the ubiquitous Essenhaus sign that says, "Open Late, Shop Til 8." No restaurants open really past 10. Small things that take a little adjustment when you grow up in a city when things are open much, much later, and there is generally just more activity.

Well, some of the things I have grown used to from living in Middlebury were put in some perspective today as I traveled to Indianapolis for a seminar tomorrow on Medicaid. Once I got into town, I rolled down my windows, as I love driving when I can feel and smell the wind. First thing that struck me was how much louder and more energetic everything outside my car was compared to my drive home from work everyday on a two lane country road. The experience continued all night, from walking around downtown and feeling and sensing the energy of the hustle and bustle of people, to sitting in my hotel room and constantly hearing noise from cars and walkers by from the street outside. In our little small town, we have a genuine experience of peace and quiet.

Yet, part of the experience is the same. When I am outside with our dog late at night, and all you can hear is the soft rustle of leaves and grass as the wind blows, that moment is filled with life. And when I walk around downtown here, and the place is buzzing with human interaction and activity, that moment is also filled with life. I think both may be necessary. The trick is to obtain both, and in that all important right balance.

Working the Poll

2010-05-03T16:22:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was Primary Election Day here in Indiana, and in a new experience for me, I decided to work at our local polling precinct as a Clerk. Real simple things, checking people in, making sure they have no issues complying with Indiana's Voter ID law, making sure they are voting in the right precinct, and giving them the appropriate ballot (Republican, Democrat, provisional, under-18, School Board, etc.).

I figured it would be something different to try, and I was curious as to how many people would actually show up to vote, and what proportion would be Republican and Democrat. I've always been curious as to what the actual split in our little town would be, and while the Primary may not give as good of insight as a full general election, it would highlight some of the folks who are more political involved than others (and being a small town, there would be a good chance I would know some of the voters personally).

It was a long day, being there an hour before and after the polls close meant for a 14 hour day; but all in all I have to say it was worth it. Similar to my experiences at the library, this provided an excellent opportunity to meet new people, introduce myself, talk about the town and learn more about the town. The small town dynamic continues to fascinate me (its amazing how many people came up and introduced themselves to me saying, "hey, I don't know you, who are you?" - as I was the only poll worker they didn't know). Its interesting to live in a town where people know you are new (and for reference, we've lived here for three years, so we are new, but not that new, at least in my mind). People know where I live, not because of the subdivision or telling them the street corner, but by the person who used to live there, but hasn't in the last 5 years. At times, the dynamic seems to present such an opportunity for fellowship within the community in which one lives; at other times, the dynamic can be a bit, not sure of the right word here - intimidating, exclusive, stand offish, snobbish, difficult. Not meaning to imply anything negative per se, but the dynamic can easily lead to an insider and outsider type dichotomy that would inherently be problematic.

I also learned some more about local political/government issues, some that have me somewhat irked (maybe a blog post later on that). In any event, it was a worthwhile experience, and one that I imagine I would be likely to do again.

Life is Banal

2010-04-30T13:22:00.002-04:00

Another tidbit from "Walking the Bible"

In the author's journeys and interviews with various Jewish historians/archaeologists, its incredible the sense of family they project into their religion. Not family in the sense of one's current nuclear family, but how the Patriarchs of their faith, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, are their family. That the Bible is their family's history. And how many of them, in coming back to their Holy Land, find themselves repeating, so to speak, the steps of their Patriarchs. The author's journey through the steps of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob ends in talking to a man, originally from Chicago, who moved to Israel shortly after the creation of the Israeli State and built a ranch. What's at the core of the experience of living there...

"It's people, living on the land, creating, dying. Being. Life is very banal when all is said and done.?

"Why is that banal? Why isn't that beautiful?"

"Banal can be beautiful. You're born, you grow up, you marry, raise children, have a family, love. You die, they continue. And along that line you live. I get up every morning and enjoy looking at the Sea of Galilee. I enjoy talking to people. I enjoy my work. Perhaps that's not banal after all. That's God's little dream."

Banal can be beautiful. I think we often complain about the mundane in our lives, or the never ending routine of waking, working, sleeping (I've been known to from time to time). It can seem tedious, or boring at times. But it can be beautiful. Its still life; its the most basic routine that we share with all others, those around us, those around the world, and those who have lived before us. That inherent interconnectedness has to be beautiful, right?

Book Thoughts: CAL

2010-04-29T08:15:00.000-04:00

I finished reading this book over last weekend, and then Tuesday night of this week was at the library helping to lead discussion for our local library's book series on Ireland. The book is short, only about 150 pages, and reads pretty quickly. But its loaded.

Its set in the time known as The Troubles, which engrossed Ireland and Northern Ireland from about the late 1960s until the Good Friday Peace accords in 1998. Cal is the main character in the book, a 19 year old kid who is unemployed and lives with his father, Shamie, and whose mother had passed away when he was 8. Cal and Shamie are Catholic, and live in a neighborhood that is transitioning from being a mixed Catholic/Protestant neighborhood in Belfast to a heavily Protestant neighborhood. This, of course, creates much tension in the lives of both Cal and Shamie.

Without giving away too many nuggets from the story, the book really creates an intense psychological profile of Cal, ranging from low self-esteem/shame, extreme guilt, and even weakness. But what I think makes the book so powerful is how, through Cal, it demonstrates the despair and utter hopelessness that must be felt by some who lived throughout this period. They are controlled by the weight of the history of conflict and tension between Ireland and Northern Ireland, being Irish-Irish versus British-Irish, the IRA (Irish Republican Army) versus the UVF (Ulster Voluntary Force), being Catholic versus Protestant. It seems like the characters, and the real life people living this, are stuck in a world of dichotomy, where they are one or the other, and no matter what they do, they cannot escape what that means for them. They cannot change, because the threat of death to themselves and their family is always present. So they go along to get along.

Almost by definition its a tragic story. Similar to the old Greek tragedies where the characters could not escape fate, these characters cannot escape the history of conflict that has created their world. I do not believe its a coincidence that the novel has 5 chapters, paralleling the 5 acts of those old Greek plays.

For anyone interested in getting a small glimpse into the time of the Troubles, and some of the raw human emotion involved, CAL is a great read.

Back to the Grind

2010-04-28T14:24:00.002-04:00

This past Monday, I had my doctor's appointment to remove the stitches from my chest from the cyst I had removed. Everything went well and the doctor lifted the restrictions of the prior 10 days, including no strenuous activity and keeping the area dry. So I immediately went home and completed a much needed mowing of our lawn; it was really long.

But the more important aspect was that I could get back on the treadmill in the mornings to continue my weightloss journey, as I call it sometimes. Yesterday was a "feeling things out" type day, where I only went 33 minutes and did 1.75 miles. This morning, back to the usual 2.5 miles and 45 minutes. Its funny, during the workout its hurting just as much as ever (particularly the knees), and the amount I sweat makes it even a bit more uncomfortable, but it felt so good to be back at it. I missed the positive feeling I get each morning from my workout, and as I continue to lose a little weight in the last 10 days despite no exercise (now up to 30 pounds so far this year), I felt like the exercise has increased my metabolism a little bit, and I didn't want to lose any progress. If things continue at even near the same pace, in the coming months I will reach weights that I haven't been at in over three years. This fact is incredibly motivating.

Its funny...I really don't enjoy my workouts, I feel like I am pushing it hard each and every time; but I do like them.

Go Forth

2010-04-21T21:41:00.002-04:00

I am in the process of reading Bruce Feiler's Walking the Bible: A Journey by Land Through the Five Books of Moses, a book that is about exactly what the title implies. The author, with some help from local guides, archaeologists, and historians, attempts to visit the modern day locations of where historic/significant events occur in the Pentateuch. I've always had a constant curiosity with the backgrounds and developments of faith traditions, and have spent much of this curiosity in reading primarily on Christianity and Buddhism, with some light Islam and Judaism. Recently, I decided to expand some of my ventures into Judaism, thus leading to this book.

Anyway, it begins with the story of Abraham (or Abram). In particular, Genesis 12:1 begins with the command from God, "Go forth."

From the local expert...

'Do you want to know the real difference between here and the Promised Land?' Avner asked, not waiting for a reply. 'There are no rivers. There are no floods. Canaan was settled. It had some rain. But the water wasn't predictable, or plentiful. In saying lech l'cha''--go forth--'God changed the history of the world. He gave Abraham the power of fertility, the power to create a great nation, which up to now had belonged only to the rivers: the Tigris, the Euphrates, the Nile. From now on, people - not water - would control the world. People who believed in God.'

Civilization at the time was very much limited to Mesopotamia (Tigris, Euphrates) and Egypt (Nile). Water is essential. What faith Abraham had to display to leave behind the one thing that was known to create great nations and support civilization, and trust a voice and its command.

Trusting the unknown over the known.

Go forth.

A Bump in the Road

2010-04-20T11:40:00.002-04:00

Well, I have hit a small snag, or a bump in the road, on my goal for continuing exercise. Beginning last Friday, to at least next Monday, I am unable to complete any exercise. After much pressure from Jackie, I finally got a small bump that I had on my chest examined by a doctor. It was determined that I had a subcutaneous cyst, that it fairly deep as these things go I guess, and I should have it removed; and they happened to have an appointment to do so the next day. So on Friday I go to the doctor's office and in a forty-five minute procedure, they make an incision in the center of my chest, remove the cyst (about an inch deep, kind of egg shaped), and put in some stitches. Then I'm told I can have no strenuous activity for at least ten days, particularly no stretching of the chest, and that I must always keep it dry. Combined, these restrictions essentially eliminates any real exercise. I can do some light walking as long as I am careful.

I already feel the difference in my routine, and as difficult and painful as my forty-five minutes on the treadmill is each morning, I somewhat miss it, just to have the continuing feeling that I am working hard and making progress. It was a tad bit more frustrating to halt the exercise after seeing some very nice numbers on the scale; but I guess those are the breaks. (Quick digression - I also can't mow the yard, and that is driving me crazy...its going to be jungle like by the time I can get to it next week, hopefully).

Due to this, I thought, in order to try and keep my goals at the forefront of my mind, and not having the daily reminder I so value in the treadmill, I would try to focus more on my eating habits. I have made substantial progress from where I was four months ago; I am much more conscientious both of what I am eating and how much I am eating. And I have no doubt that it has helped my progress; but I also have no doubt that I have been far from consistent, and to truly achieve the lifestyle I want, there is still much, much progress to make to my diet. So, I hope to use the next ten days as an opportunity to truly be scrutinizing over my diet, make good choices each day, and for each meal, in the hopes that I continue to remind myself each day of the goals I wish to reach, and with the ideal of combining the even more improved eating habits with daily, strenuous exercise again sometime next week.

Until then, its a lot of obsessing over smaller meals, and growing grass.